Ep 70 How to Deal with a Naracissist's Smear Campaign Against You

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I am Christy Jade, adoring wife, adoptive mama and narcissistic abuse survivor. I now help other women who have gone through abuse (or are going through it) find confidence, power and peace.

TRANSCRIPT

Speaker 1: (00:03)
Hey, Queens, welcome to, but still she thrives. Do you wanna stop getting caught up in that wicked web of a creepy crawling narcissist? You find yourself up late at night replaying the abuse you put up with and wondering how you can heal now, do you wake up hoping for healthy relationships and peace only to feel totally exhausted and mind effed? Girl, I see you. I'm Christie. I too had to disconnect from toxic people in my life, and I wished I could undo the damage. I felt ashamed, lonely, and kind of lost. But I'm a stubborn Italian and I refused to give up. I found ways to recalibrate my mind and body more quickly than I thought and can now share them with you. In this podcast, you will find coping tools, healing methods, and confidence boosters so you can trust yourself and find peace and freedom. So, shields up ladies, let's go protect our peace.

Speaker 1: (01:00)
Hello and welcome. I know it's been a hot minute since I have done a new recording, but here I am and I wanna try out, uh, let me know if the audio's okay. I always have my email address. I'll check the audio, but if you guys feel like the audio is good enough or you want me to go back into my smaller room with my headphones, but I thought I would try this, this way, it might end up sounding that great. But I'm just gonna do a quick, a quick little podcast bonus episode. Um, I've been reentering some older stuff and trying to figure out how to pivot this podcast. I feel like I am growing. I'm doing all of this somatic healing. Um, I just got, well, I'm almost, almost have my new certification in somatic healing and that's really expanding what I'm doing and I would love to incorporate a lot of healing and empowerment, not just around narcissistic abuse.

Speaker 1: (01:53)
So I would love to hear your feedback in an, um, email to me that will be in the show notes. Fierce Mama c is my email. Like I said, it's in the show notes. You can just, just grab it there and let me know if you would like to hear a more broad range of healing and empowerment. Not totally all narcissistic abuse related. Um, really focusing on just recovery and bettering your life and healing in general, um, and sprinkling in some episodes like this of narcissistic specific stuff. So yesterday, this is why I decided to, uh, talk about this today. Yesterday I was, um, thinking about a time in my past where I felt like I was terrified of a smear campaign, right, of a smear campaign that was going on. And if you don't know what a smear campaign this is, this can be anybody, I guess can technically do it, but it's often related to narcissists that they will do this as a form to try to control or gain control or get you even back.

Speaker 1: (03:05)
So what they do is they will try to smear your name. They will make up lies. They will, um, share information maybe that you did share with them that they promise to not tell people. But you know, once you have gone against them or left them odds are they, it's, it's very common that a narcissist will then start what's called a smear campaign. They're smearing your name and they're campaigning, right? They are getting as many people as they can on their side of things, believing their narrative and going against you, right? The flying monkeys, they're called, um, Sam Nan coined that phrase. It's the flying monkeys. And it's terrifying because you got all of these people now believing these untruths usually about you. Um, and they're on like under the demise of the narcissist, which if you know a narcissist, you know how it is to be under the thumb of them.

Speaker 1: (04:03)
And now these other people, you're finally out of it or getting out of it. And then you've got these other people that are now being controlled and being tricked by the narcissist, right? And they're gonna come after you or go against you. So what, what is the way to deal with this? And this is kind of common in what I say. The best way is no contact with the narcissist. Just like the best way to deal with a smear campaign is to not address it. No response. And this is hard. I was thinking back for me, I was like, there was someone that was believing some of the stuff this person was saying, and I was desperately trying to convince. And that is not what you're supposed to do, right? You are supposed to not respond, not take the bait, and you have to do this.

Speaker 1: (05:00)
And it, it takes strength because you have to believe and have faith, which I do now then I didn't. I've healed to a place where I now know in my heart that the good people, the people who support me, my true friends, my true family that supports me, those people are going to believe me. Um, it's one thing if you wanna say one time, just so you know that's not true, right? But overly trying to convince somebody, one of the flying monkeys or people that ha the narcissist is trying to control, maybe they're not successful yet, but the person's like, well, wait. Is this true about you? You can say, look, I didn't do this. You can choose to believe what you want, but that will filter out, it will filter out the people who really aren't a hundred percent for you, right? It'll filter out the people that are easily swayed by the narcissist.

Speaker 1: (06:08)
And again, we know narcissists are very, they're good at what they do. But once you're out of that mindset, it's good to surround yourself with other people that are not easily swayed by, by narcissists or by controlling people, right? That have their own minds and have gotten to a place in life where they can trust themselves. And now that you're in this space, you can know and come to this, well hopefully are, if you're not, let's do some somatic healing that is basically healing from the body. It's epic work. Email me or I will put, um, a Calendly link to just go ahead and set up your first session. It is amazing. Um, I should probably do a whole episode on explaining it more. Um, but it's really epic work. I have had such an awesome time doing it, and the work is deep work, long lasting work, and, and we always try to make it as fun as we can.

Speaker 1: (07:06)
Any type of work with me. So it's, everyone has loved it so far, . Um, but when you get to this healed space, it's important to know that it's actually a good thing. Like when these situations come up, instead of feeling the stress and hell around it, focus on the fact that this is going to clear out the toxic people around you. Because if you have in your, a lot, this is common. When you have gone through trauma and abuse growing up, you may have not picked the best friends. You may surround yourself with Fairweather friends or just people that control you or just, you know, can switch on a dime, right? Like not the healthiest of people because you don't know any better. You've been in abusive situations, you tolerate more than a healthier minded person. If you are in my space, odds are you're looking to get healthier or you are healthier than you were.

Speaker 1: (08:09)
Your mindset is better, right? Maybe there's more healing to do, but you're in a better space where you know, you wanna feel peace, you actually are ready for peace. So when you're ready for peace, things like a smear campaign, they can come at you and they can be ugly. But it's for you to now realize this is actually a little bit of a blessing because I know it's going to cut out anybody who doubts me. Isn't that, isn't that beautiful? Anyone who doubts you will be gone. So the person I'm talking about in my life that talked about me, it was nothing too too crazy, but just, you know, I was the bad guy all of a sudden, which was insane because I was the one getting abused and getting threats, all of that. We had mutual friends, a couple of 'em, and one of the mutual friends became kind of this flying monkey, um, contacting me to convince me to do X, y, z asking me questions, um, really trying to convince me to get back in touch with this other person, right?

Speaker 1: (09:23)
The narcissist. And you know what? I was luckily at a place where I did not fall prey, but I did at that point. This was years ago. I did at that point have this feeling of like, fear of this person is, doesn't like me anymore. They're not gonna like me if I'm not doing what the narcissist says or doing what this person flying monkey is trying to get me to do. They're not gonna like me anymore. And I like this person. This is a fun person. I enjoy this person. But I knew I had to choose myself and my health at that point, and my mental health, my, my peace. I chose my peace. And now I'm at such a point I can look back and be like, oh, that's a a friend anyway. Right? Like, that's somebody I don't need in my life.

Speaker 1: (10:13)
That's somebody who was not looking out for my wellbeing. They didn't care if I was going through hell because of this other person they cared about being in with the narcissist, right? And that, that narcissist probably got them to do this by, um, well, pulling them in first, right? And then probably love bombing and saying, you know, oh, I trust you and you're the best. Could you do this for me? It would, it would make it make me feel so good. And you're just the only person that, right, they're gonna sugar them up. That's what I call it the love bombing. It's just like putting just sugar all over you and telling you how sugary and wonderful you are and just all the good feelings, right? That person fell for it. I get it. You know, we can fall for this when we're not healthy in our minds.

Speaker 1: (11:05)
So that showed me a, that person was not for me or looking out for my best interest. Yeah. After I told them, look, this is the truth, they didn't care. And two, or B, whatever I was saying, one, two, um, they were not healthy in their own mind because they didn't have enough strength to stand up or get away from a toxic person like that person, right? So it's actually a good thing and it may not feel good. There are different situations, uh, where it could be at work or in your family and you feel like you have to deal with it and you're stuck. I'm a big believer in you're never stuck. The only time legally I feel like you're stuck with co-parenting. That's a good example of being stuck in a way, right? But we address that in the, um, other episodes I have on co-parenting.

Speaker 1: (12:00)
But so someone will give an example, let's say, but at work, this, uh, coworkers getting these other coworkers to fly monkey, you know, all around and, and whatever that can happen. What I say to that is to me that shows if you address it with HR or something, right? You can go that route. Often it is said you can play the game with the narcissist and act like you are scared or act like you are, um, totally in agreeance to the flying monkeys, right? So, so the narcissist thinks it's working, so they kind of back off and feel like they're in control, right? Because all they want is control number one thing. I can't do that. So this is up to you, you can play the game. To me that is not honest with myself. I'm not a game player that disturbs my peace to play games.

Speaker 1: (12:59)
It's, it's too much energy in my brain that I wanna spend on like joyful fun things. Not like, ooh, how can I manipulate the narcissist back? Like, I don't have time for that. If you feel like that's a great answer for you, you can, for me, it shows me I'm not in alignment with this situation. Let's say I go to HR and HR is like, oh yeah, kind of dismisses it or something. It's time to find a new job. I'm not saying that's super easy, can do it in a minute, but it's possible. People move jobs, especially in this day and age, back in like the olden days, people really stuck with jobs for like their whole career. And that's great if you can do that and you love that. But many people Job Hopper, even just like, um, consulting like with different companies, right?

Speaker 1: (13:45)
Like I feel like you are not stuck as mu as much as people think they're stuck, they're not. I found that with my clients and we push back the stuckness and get into much better situations. So that's something to remember. You might be like, well, I I'm at work. What, what else can I do? Well, you can start looking for another job, right? Like, and, and let's say like, but I love my work. Do you though, if you're here and you're getting all stressed out every day 'cause of these people and flying monkeys around you, you have to love your work overall. And if it is disturbing your peace, I'm so much a faith person that I believe God would direct me to something better. Because anything that isn't in alignment like that is a clear sign to me that it's not for me and I need to get away from it.

Speaker 1: (14:39)
It's worked so far very well in my life. So that is today's episode. I just had this kind of, I wasn't gonna be doing narcissist specific episodes for a while. I'm trying to like kind of find my voice for, for my podcast again, um, to just pivot and I was gonna sprinkle some in, but I just felt that yesterday I just, that I was just thinking about it. I was like, I need to share this because I think it's really important. So that is your little smear campaign. It's kind of like the no contact rule. The best response is no response and doing whatever you can to not take the bait. That's my whole quote or my motto with narcissist. Don't take the bait gray rocket, right? If you don't know Gray Rock is, look at my Gray Rock episode and get as far from the situation as you can.

Speaker 1: (15:35)
You're not stuck most times you're not stuck. Even if you're co-parenting, there are ways to deal with that. That is a situation where you kind of do the gray rock and give as little as possible. Don't show emotions, you know, um, keep the language very simple, factual to the point. No excess anything, right? Those are examples. Again, I have a whole episode on that. Um, I can try to remember the link or you can just, if you type in Gray Rock Method, I think I'm usually the first one that comes up. You can put my name with it. Um, but still she thrives the podcast and Gray Rock, which hopefully that episode should come up. But yes, if you have any questions, feel free to email me anytime. Fierce Mama c at Gmail and check out my offerings right now. I'll put my calendar Lee link in.

Speaker 1: (16:21)
That is a scheduling link. So if you wanna do either mindset work, coaching wise, narcissistic abuse, recovery wise, you have to be out of your situation for a while. I don't work with people that are still living with a narcissist. That is just my specialty is let's work on after and recovery. Or if you just want to up uplevel your life, you want to heal, you want to get deeper healing that is lasting, um, that starts with the body. So somatic healing is amazing. Um, so I'll put the links in there. You can email me and we can figure out like what the best option would be for you. And I will see you in the next episode. Bye.