1. We lead with two stories we’re thrilled to not have to lead with. Because of irony.
2. Republicans so enraged by Obamacare’s 7 million enrollees that they accidentally vote on coverage expansion law
3. Get out your checkbook, free speech is now entirely purchasable
4. Americans won’t stand for zero troop death’s abroad in March, start shooting at their favorite murder rampage spot, Fort Hood
5. Climate change is coming for you when you most expect it, which is now
6. US now officially out of government overthrow ideas after failing at Cuban Twitter warfare
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