Releasing Your Grip - Possessing Life is Letting Life Possess You

Holding onto something?  Of course you are.  We all do. There are things that we feel are of great value, for whatever reason they’re of value.  Our tendency is that once we determine that something’s of value, or we’re told something’s of value, we tend to grab ahold of it.  The degree to which we grab it and the force of our grip on it is determined by how much we value whatever it is that we’re holding onto.  Because that’s the case, our grip can be something like a horrific steel trap, or it can be rather loose and supple.  

What’s odd is that we don’t often think about how hard we’re holding onto whatever things we’re holding onto.  We presume that it’s a natural and normal thing to hold onto the things in our lives that we value or see as central to our lives.  We misleadingly assume that  once we’re in possession of whatever it is that we’re in possession of, we’re obviously supposed to always remain in possession of it.  We develop a kind of hoarding management mentality that naturally dictates that we hold onto things that serve us in some fashion,or contribute to our lives in whatever way they contribute.  The bizarre workings of our minds can cause us to hold onto things that don’t serve us at all and are simply dead and pathetically decaying weight.  The fact that we possess things causes us to assume that we’re supposed to keep them.  What else would we do with them?  We assume that holding onto things is natural and needed and necessary and obviously normal.  Is it? 

What Determines What We Grab

So we inventory what we have in our lives; people, assets, careers, friendships, dreams, goals, relationships, material possessions, various resources . . . all of the sordid stuff that we have in our possession.  Then we assign each of those things some sort of value based on a grid intricately and tediously constructed from our goals, our value system, our present position in life, whatever threats or risks we perceive that we have, our sense of security or lack thereof, our self-esteem or any myriad number of determining factors.  Then our grip on these things is determined by the value we assess them as having. 

We also inventory what we don’t have in our lives but want to have.  We look outside the realm of our possessions to those things that we want to bring within our realm.  Whether those things are fiscal assets, material possessions, various relationships at various levels of relationship, career goals molded by our aspirations, the square footage of our home, the reach of our influence, our place in some social food chain, or the smoothness of the image we want to project to those around us.  Whatever we want, in whatever way we’ve determined we want it will likewise determine the degree of our grip on that thing.  Likewise, whatever we’ve determined we want will also determine the degree of our grip on the things that it will take to get it.  We’re all about the business of grabbing something to secure our possession of it, or maneuver ourselves in order to get it. 

What About Grip?

It’s interesting that the harder we hold onto something, the more likely we are to kill it.  We assume that strengthening our grip insures the continued possession of whatever we’re holding onto.  Indeed, our possession is in all probability insured.  However, what we don’t realize is that we’ll possess it, but it’ll likely be empty and dead.  Things that are of real value in life can’t be held like that.  The oddity of it all is that the very things that we want to possess; the things that we vigorously expend our lives in some helter-skelter rampage to possess, those very things are killed in the possession.  All of that seems terribly contradictory, but it’s terribly true.  How many times have we held firmly onto something only to lose it anyway despite the iron grip we had on it?  In how many instances have we gone to great lengths and dizzying heights to insure the continued possession of something,only to have it slip right through our fingers? How many times have we rigorously secured something by nailing it down,fencing it in, sealing it tight, cinching it firmly, locking it down hard,insuring it, putting it in a trust, or somehow solidly encasing in some tedious manner or fashion only to lose it despite the aggressiveness of our efforts?  

What Do We Possess?

Yet, there are times when we feel we haven’t lost something despite our grip on it; that we’re still in possession of it and we have it stored away in whatever vault we store things away in.  We point to those things as evidence that holding onto things doesn’t necessarily result in the loss of them.  We’re confident that we can grab ahold of things with an iron grip and despite the iron grip keep them very much alive.  Yet, can we possess something and kill it in the possession.  Do the great and wonderful things die if they’re held?  Is there something about the precious and sacred that in order to live they must be free?  Once it’s dead, what is it that we possess?  How many dreams have we achieved but have seen so many other things die in the effort to achieve them?  And once the dream is hauled into the boat of our lives as some mammoth catch, does it flounder at the bottom of our boats and then expire in the rancid air of captivity?  

We can hold on to many things and point to them to show that we’re still in possession of them, but really not be in possession of them at all.  Things that we grip firmly lose their life and are irrevocably sapped of their vitality.  They become depleted and hold no interest for us anymore, entirely losing their luster and appeal.  The things that are left after we hold onto them are more often than not empty carcasses and hollow shells that have the illusion of life, but none of the essence. 

Possession Is Found in Not Possessing

If we want to embrace life, we must never set traps for it or cage it.  We must understand that it is in the wildness of living that we live.  It’s in the privilege of observing life in all its unbridled passion and surging forcefulness that we are enriched and gorged in the enriching.  Possessing life can only happen in not possessing it. Possessing life is observing it and then romping and frolicking right along with it.  In reality, it’s letting life possess you.  It’s giving life permission to have its way with you, not demanding your way with it through the possession of it.  Possession of this thing we call life is giving up the possession of ourselves and our rights to possession and handing that over something infinitely bigger than us.  Surrendering ourselves and letting ourselves be in the possession of life is the secret to possessing life. 

So, what are you holding onto?  Whatever it is, it’s going to die.  Maybe you need to free yourself to be in the possession of something greater in you and realize that everything that you’ve looked to have in the mad race of possession is all right there.