Advent:: Starting with Shame

What do you think about when you hear the word "shame"? 

I bet some of you can immediately identify areas of your life where you feel shame. I bet you can quickly go to times in your life where you've been ashamed. 

Others of you aren't so sure. Shame can feel like a big, ambiguous word and you are fairly sure that it isn't something you deal with. 

Here's a test to see if shame might be showing up in your life. 

How do you respond when you are faced with something that you failed to do or did incorrectly? 

If you start by explaining circumstances that created the environment for your failure, if you avoid the situation all together or if you try and deflect to another topic you are probably dealing with shame. 

Shame is the belief that you are wrong. When your actions become so connected to who you are, you'll defend, deflect or blame to protect yourself when you screw up. 

When you instead experience guilt, you can separate the thing you did from who you are and are much more likely to take responsibility and make amends. Guilt is knowing that you did something wrong. 

Many times we have tried to confront a loved one with something they did wrong and they respond as if we called them wrong. This is the destructive power of shame in our midst and it derails us from living the lives God created us for and it sabotages many of our relationships.