Religion & Spirituality
28 Serving the Foster Community with The Forgotten Initiative Founder, Jami Kaeb
2018-11-26
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Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here.
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Today we get to chat with Jamie Kaeb. She is a dreamer and a coffee lover. She is married to Clint and the mother of seven, five through adoption. Jamie founded the Forgotten Initiative in 2011, and today we get to hear more of her story, we get to be inspired by God's work, and she will share with each of us how we can serve the foster care community in unique ways. Here's our chat.
Well, hello, Jamie. Thanks so much for joining us today.
Jamie Kaeb: I'm really excited to talk with you and to have this conversation.
Laura Dugger: If anyone hasn't met you yet or heard about the Forgotten Initiative, would you mind just sharing a little background on both?
Jamie Kaeb: So for us, I would say even all the way back to several years ago, if you would have asked me, you know, what do you think about adoption or foster care, would you ever do that? I would have said, oh my goodness, only if I cannot have children, because I was very afraid of adoption. Honestly, I really didn't even think about foster care.
And I remember when Paige was an infant, and now she's 15, hearing a broadcast on the radio about adoption. And I can still vividly feel that pit in my stomach as I said to the Lord, "I hope you're not trying to tell me something."
So that's where I was. [00:02:00] But God, in His gracious way, was so faithful to bring people into my life who opened my eyes and brought awareness to this whole world of adoption and ultimately foster care. For us, adoption became our first experience was with our son Hudson, who we adopted from Guatemala.
And then it was now 2008, and we had kind of caught this adoption bug, and we already had another daughter. So we had two daughters biologically, and then we adopted our son. And now we wanted to adopt again, and this time we were going to try to adopt from the United States.
God took us on a journey that was not what we expected. It was very painful because basically, every person said, No, this is not, this is no. And for me, it was a very difficult time because I'm a very emotional person and all in. And so when God was saying no, no, no to adoption, I was saying, "Why? This is a good thing. I don't understand this. This hurts. This stinks. I hate this." [00:03:00]
And yet God, in His graciousness, opened our eyes to a whole new world. Through the journey of saying no and the journey of waiting, He opened our eyes to a whole new world, the world of foster care. He taught us that it's not about bringing a child into our family, but it's about bringing our family to a child.
So we started to go to foster care classes. This is where we learned that really foster care is about coming alongside another family. It's not just about providing a safe place for kids, which it is, but it's about coming alongside another family for temporary, for time, with the hope that if this family can come back together, then that's a win.
So we kind of learned about that. And at the same time as we're learning about foster care, I remember watching a video of a little girl who was waiting in a foster care office. The worker was calling around trying to find a home for her and everyone was saying, "No, I can't. I can't." [00:04:00]
And watching that there and getting to know this world of foster care was just eye-opening and it just broke my heart. I could not believe that this was happening in my own community. I thought, "This is not okay."
So this time we had our three kids still, and I went to DCFS, our local foster care agency, never had been there before, never knew what to expect. But I walked in and I said, "Please tell me what happens to these kids. Where do they go? Where do they wait? I need to know" because I did not know.
So they let me see some of the rooms where kids will visit with their parents. And just as I walked in there, it was just heartbreaking because the furniture was hard, the walls were blank, the toys were broken, some of them, and it just made me sad. And I thought, "How can kids who are being pulled from everything that they know come here? That is not okay."
So I asked them, I said, "Can we do something about this? Can I bring in people? Can we make over these rooms and make them beautiful." Essentially they said, "Well, will you pay for it?" And I said, "Sure." [00:05:04]
So we called on people I got on Facebook and I called them my friends and family and I said, "Let's create a space that says, you are special to these kids, so that they know that there are people who are thinking of them and who care for them."
So for me, I always describe this as a puzzle piece, because what I saw there is the same thing I see today many years later, is that God's people really do care, they just don't know how to help, or maybe they just don't know that there's this need out there.
But when I reached out to people and said, Okay, this room needs done, we need painters, we need brand new toys, we need people to put shelves together, people jumped on board and they were so excited to get involved.
And also watching the response of the agency to see men and women who work there in this really dark field often, laughing and excited and just kind of blown away that we were even there, was so beautiful. So again, it was like God was saying, Listen, the church, they care. It's not that they don't care. It's just that they don't know. [00:06:05] That was a puzzle piece I always described as saying God was putting together this picture.
And as I got to know workers, I started asking more questions. "Okay, what else do you need? Help me understand. I need to know. This is all so new to me. What do you need? What do your families need?" And as I learned, another common need is diapers. You know, maybe a child will come into DCFS with a soiled diaper and maybe there's nothing on hand.
So the worker, in the middle of this transition time that is scary for the kids, they have to run out to Walmart and often pull out of their own pocket money to pay for diapers. So I'm like, this is easy. So I got on Facebook again and said to my friends, "Let's do a diaper drive." And I wrote, "Let's get 30 boxes of diapers for these agencies." And then I changed my mind and said, "No, let's get a hundred boxes of diapers."
Laura, I'm telling you, again, God's people just stepped up and responded. I started getting diapers to my door almost daily. I think the speedy delivery guy who delivered these diapers thought I was crazy. But it was so beautiful to watch diapers being delivered from all over the United States because people were sending them from Amazon. [00:07:16] Someone even sent them from Japan. Someone who had read the blog apparently sent diapers from Japan.
It was this beautiful way to walk into one agency in town. We got over 100 boxes of diapers and wipes combined, but I took about 30 of those to one agency and I said to them, "This is from the body of Christ. We need you to know that we see you, we care about you, and we just want to do what we can to support you." Again, their response was just overwhelmed. They could not believe that we would do that, that we would think of them.
So God took those puzzle pieces and put them together in a picture that became the Forgotten Initiative. What started then as a movement in my community to just learn the needs, to share the needs of God's people, and then help the church to be the hands and feet of Jesus to this agency and to the families that they serve and the kids that they serve and the foster parents that they serve has moved, has spread all across the nation where now we have 35 communities serving their agencies. [00:08:17]
We call them advocates. They're leaders in their community. They're volunteers who are going out and they're saying, This is not okay. We need to make a difference. And so they're serving and we're just continuing to bring awareness because like I've learned and like we believe, awareness leads to action.
So that's really the story, really, to TFI. And during this journey, as we're in those foster care classes, after going through the classes and really getting our whole brains around this idea of foster care, we determined that, yes, this is what we want to do.
After those classes, we got a call about two little boys. They were three and seven months old, and they needed a foster home. And I will never forget the day that they were coming in to our house. I was waiting. We had not seen them. We really knew very little about them. I was waiting in my house excited, nervous, until the caseworker pulled up. [00:09:08]
And as she did, I ran out there and I saw three-year-old Dade who was very quiet and very nervous. And I just remember looking at him and saying, "I am so happy to have you here." And then looking at little seven-month-old Bobby, who was just a baby, and just thinking, "Wow, this is the beginning."
And for us, as beautiful as that moment was, and we'll talk more about this, I'm sure, but there was definitely some challenges along the way as well. But about five months after those two boys joined our family, their sister also needed a foster home, and so we said yes to her.
So at this point, we had six kids and at that age, they were seven, five, four, three, two, and one. So life changed very dramatically. But that is a little bit about our journey to foster care.
Laura Dugger: You mentioned all of the children's ages. As you continued adding children, did they continue to be the youngest one chronologically as well? Does that make sense?
Jamie Kaeb: Absolutely. And for our situation, those three were the only three that came into our home to foster care because they ended up needing adopting. So we did adopt them. [00:10:16] And in Illinois, once you have six in your home under 18, you can no longer foster.
So for us, our foster care journey was done at that stage. But later on, God did call us to adoption. We met some kids from Zambia. I remember telling my husband one night, "Listen, Clint, I don't know what God's doing, but I feel like we need to pray about adopting from Africa." And I remember Clint saying, "Okay, let's pray, but don't expect anything." Now we have a six-year-old little guy from Africa. He was born in Uganda. We brought him home three years ago. His name is Friday.
Laura Dugger: That's such a beautiful story. Could you tell us two things? You mentioned Zambia, which you actually have some personal connections there. I'd love to have you elaborate on that, and then help people understand if they're interested in becoming an advocate, what can they do?
Jamie Kaeb: Sure. So Zambia, my parents started the ministry called Lifesong for Orphans, and TFI is actually a ministry of Lifesong for Orphans. We're really a foster care piece of what they do. But they have a school in Zambia. [00:11:19]
My sister actually was a missionary over there for a time and brought some kids home from Zambia to travel around the state singing and raising money for their program there. And so it was through that and getting to know those kids on a more personal level that really opened our eyes to Africa.
So as far as becoming an advocate, the best thing to do is just go to our website, which is theforgotteninitiative.org, and click on "become an advocate". You will find out what it really means to be an advocate. We have information on who are advocates, what is required of an advocate, how to become an advocate. So really that is just going to be your best place to go straight there. We encourage you to do that because we need more advocates in communities all across the nation.
Laura Dugger: Incredible. We'll link to that in our show notes so it makes it easy for everyone to click over. Do you have any favorite stories that just come to mind as you reflect on your years with the Forgotten Initiative? [00:12:19]
Jamie Kaeb: What God has really taught me through this journey is that the birth family is so much a part of this as well. So many times I think when we think about adoption or foster care, we think about just the child. But there are parents out there, and really on the day that we received those wonderful boys who we just love, that was the day that their parents' arms were empty as well. And so our hearts were full because we were ready to start, but the sailing on the other side was empty and broken. So there's just pain and joy that go side by side in foster care and adoption.
I think so much of the experiences I've had with their birth mom. I'll call her Sandra here. But I remember the first time we ever talked and she was nervous and I was nervous and she had stereotypes of foster parents like me and I had stereotypes of birth parents like her. And yet as we talked and we started to learn each other's stories, we developed a relationship to the point that when she became pregnant again, she asked me to be at the birth. [00:13:22]
Those who know me know I am very weak in the mind, in the sense of, if you talk about a health issue... in fact, this happened to me once where someone was telling me about their health issue and I literally passed right out. I am not very strong in this way, so I was like, Okay, Lord, if you want me to do this, then you have to work supernaturally. But the opportunity to be at the birth when nobody else was there, to be able to go there with her, to breathe with her, to wipe her forehead with a cool rag when she was contracting.
And then I remember one time as she had kind of gotten the pain under control, I was going to go down and quickly grab a sandwich. And I didn't want to eat in front of her because when I was in labor, I did not want people eating in front of me. And so I thought, "Okay, I'm going to head down." And she stopped me at the dorm. She said, Jamie, "Will you come right back up?"
To me, it just reminded me of the power of my presence. I didn't do it perfectly by any means, but I was there for her. She wasn't that much younger than me, maybe 10 years, but I was like a mom figure to her. And what's been really amazing is that even now we have a relationship. [00:14:31]
We brought those kids into our home in 2010, and even now we have a relationship. And she has said to me over the years, "Jamie, thank you for not changing your phone number. Thank you for being there when I call." There's times over the years we talked very, very little. But now she has two little boys that have never seen foster care. So we are able to bring those boys into our home. Once a month I give her a break and we take them overnight. So our kids are actually experiencing time with their birth siblings.
And she told me the other day that she was talking about me and she described me as her best, best friend.
To me, that is just a picture of redemption and a picture of just God's beauty from ashes. And I get to tell her, "Listen, you have done a good job. You are a good mom. It is okay to need a break." And she eats that up because she needs to hear that word of affirmation.
So many of our kids in foster care and our parents in foster care, they must know that they are special, that their life is valuable, that they are not what they've done, but they are precious in the sight of God. [00:15:36]
Laura Dugger: It's just a side of foster care that you really don't naturally think of. So it's great to bring that to light. And you had alluded to this earlier. You mentioned there's been some difficult seasons as well. Can you just share?
Jamie Kaeb: Yes, absolutely. I would say the most difficult piece of adoption or foster care specifically for me is the emotional roller coaster. Because when you adapt internationally, there are challenges for sure. But what we learned in adoption is that even though we might not always feel 100% bonded to the child, we are 100% committed. We're not going anywhere, and neither are they.
With foster care though, you can be 100% committed to the time that you have. You don't know that they're going to be there forever. So you don't get the opportunity to dream of their future in your family. You are not their parent and it is your job to still respect their parent for being a human being and understanding that kids want to be with their mom and dad. [00:16:37]
I remember nights just holding Bobby as a baby and just thinking, "Okay, Lord, I love this kid so much but he's not mine, and I've got to release him to you because I don't know if he's going to go home." I think that is extremely challenging.
Then just the vulnerability. I can talk now about my relationship with their birth mom, but there were definitely times when I couldn't take her texts or her calls because I was so emotionally spent. I did not have any energy for her. She was not in a healthy place at that stage as she is now.
And so I think the weariness and the pouring out of yourself and the behaviors that can come from kids with trauma, the fact that many of them have learning disabilities. And these were all things we had not experienced before. So they were all very new. And understanding why is a child who's eight years old acting like a three-year-old. [00:17:29]
We learned in foster care classes and through our experience that kids have different ages in the sense that let's say there's a child who's eight physically, but in their little life, they have seen more than maybe a 50-year-old has seen. So experientially, they might be 50 but emotionally, they have not been cared for in the way a healthy family cares for their child. So they have not had these building blocks.
So their emotional age is maybe more of a 3-year-old. And so when they throw a fit, they may look more like a 3-year-old because they don't know how to do it like an 8-year-old. So just learning those things and trying to understand kids where they're at and not parent the way you just feel to parent, even though we blew it many times.
But the other thing is I definitely went through a season of depression through that, starting having three kids and then going to six kids essentially in a few months. We moved, we got head lice, we got staph infections, all things that came through foster care. [00:18:33]
Those are the hard things. I mean, I just remember feeling so dark sometimes and so vulnerable and like, I don't want to do this anymore. It is not fun. It is scary. What if something happens to my children? All those kinds of questions and fears are very real in the foster care journey.
Laura Dugger: Wow, thank you for being transparent so that we can put ourselves in your shoes.
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Laura Dugger: During those really dark seasons, what was it that got you through that time?
Jamie Kaeb: Oh, I think certainly the body of Christ. This is something I think. Like, I remember one night just crying out to God and just being so down and getting a phone call from my mom and just, "Hey, I want to check on you. I know you've been struggling."
And I'll tell you, like, I could still cry about that today because I think so much how I grew up in a loving Christian home. I had every opportunity that I could ever hope for. And yet I still get very down sometimes and I still struggle and I still feel insecure.
Then I think about these kids and these families and how can we expect them to walk in a healthy way all the time or to just keep going or to just do what they need to do because they don't have the people around them. [00:20:40]
I remember one time when we had head lice and I was so... this was right after our third one came and I was so [inaudible 00:20:49] And Clint and I were going to take a date and we needed this date so desperately. And a friend was going to come babysit. And when we found the head lice, I texted her and said, "Listen, this is our situation, you know, we'll reschedule." And she wrote right back and she said, "No, no, no, I'm still coming. I'll be there."
Again, another time I could just bawl because she was willing to step into our mess and be there for us. And I can't tell you, that night was so powerful, just to know that there's people with us. I can still remember where I was standing when I opened a note from a friend who said, "I just want you to know that I appreciate what you're doing and we're praying for you. And here's a gift card to Starbucks. Go have a coffee on us."
These kinds of things might seem so simple to us, but for the one who's struggling, oh my goodness, it means everything because what it says to us is that we're not alone. [00:21:41]
Laura Dugger: Wow. And that mobilizes all of us to know what kind of action we can all take even today. It just leads into another question I have. You've talked about the difficulties, but what have been some of the unexpected joys?
Jamie Kaeb: I would say the opportunity to enter someone else's story, the opportunity to have my eyes opened in a way that would not have happened without foster care adoption, the opportunity to experience Christ in a whole new way when things kind of seem like they're okay, the opportunity to watch my biological kids open their arms to kids from other homes, other cultures, other ethnicities, the opportunity to live in a family that is very diverse and that we can say to each other different is awesome.
I mean, there are so many. I cannot even begin to say what a gift foster care has been to our family and to our home. We would not be the same people we are today. And just the opportunity to know my children. Five of my children I would never know without foster care or adoption. [00:22:45]
Laura Dugger: Yes. And we hear you. We see you. We appreciate all that you've done as well. More importantly, you know that God sees you. Is there anything specific that He's taught you through this season?
Jamie Kaeb: Yes. I would say a few things. It's not about me. That's a big one. Just realizing that it's not about me. His job is not to make me happy or to make things go okay for me. He's going to be there with me always, but it's not about me. When things go wrong, it's not because He's angry with me. It's just because life is hard and He's going to be there. So that's a huge one. It's not about me.
Another one, God's plan is often different than our plan. But when you trust Him, oh my goodness, the adventure of faith. I love walking this journey because it is so beyond me, and to be able to experience the adventure of faith. We went through a failed adoption in Uganda, and going through that experience was extremely painful. [00:23:47]
But before meeting our little girl, we found ourselves on these bota-botas, which are like dirt bikes, traveling, riding up into the mountains of Uganda with 100-foot drop-offs off the side as the path narrowed and narrowed on our way to meet our little girl, going by kids who had never seen White people in their lives, yelling out to us, "Mzungu, Mzungu!"
Experiencing opportunities like this, meeting her sister, we didn't know she had a sister, meeting her family, ultimately that adoption didn't go through, and it's good it didn't. But meeting her sister, having an opportunity to show these girls what running water is, what toilets are, speaking some English to them, just loving them, brushing their hair, getting an opportunity to create an internship for her older sister so she could learn how to do hair after I found out she loved that.
I mean, going to Uganda and living there for a month as we finished up the adoption of Friday, meeting our son for the first time wearing pink pants and a bunny shirt, understanding that he was ours and we were his,
going to Guatemala and meeting our son Hudson, meeting our little children here for the first time, going to court, meeting their birth parents. [00:25:05]
I mean, the adventure of faith when you let go and you trust God, it's wild. So I would say that it's not about me. God's plan is often different, but trust Him because you don't want to miss out.
Then finally, this has been more of a recent learning as we enter and love on people who are vulnerable, even today, that my job is not to help them look like me. It's not my job to make them look like me, but my job is to love them like Jesus. It is too hard to try to be the savior for them. That's not our job. It's not our job to be the hero. Our job is to simply be there and to love them.
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I've heard you say before that not everyone is going to be a foster parent, but everyone can still play a part. So would you mind just educating us a bit on foster care needs and how each of us can get involved?
Jamie Kaeb: Well, I think it's also important to understand from the get-go that children enter foster care because of abuse or neglect. It's not because of something they have done. Sometimes people don't understand that. They think, you know, it's a delinquent child or they've had to leave because of something they've done in their home. That is not the case. So I do just want to mention that.
So that means they're entering foster care with trauma. And trauma can show itself out in a lot of different ways in behaviors. Someone once said, I think it was Josh Shipp, said, what kids don't talk out, they'll act out. So just understand some of those things from the front. [00:27:11]
But I think when you talk about foster care needs, they really are as unique as you and I. Sometimes they're tangible needs, like a bed, for example. Kids cannot return home until they have a bed in the home. So maybe Dad has done everything that he needs to do, but he can't afford to get a bed. So that's where TFI can come in, or anyone really. But that's where people come in and bring a bed to this dad so that his kids can come home. We've seen that happen. Backpacks. We call them journey bags. You can call them whatever you want, but they're backpacks for kids who come into care. They're filled with brand new items.
The reason for this is because otherwise kids have garbage bags. They're moved from home to home with garbage bags. In fact, I remember hearing a story in our area of a little girl who was six years old, and she moved to a new foster home with her garbage bag. And as her foster dad was unpacking, she stopped him because he was about to throw away that garbage bag. And she stopped him and said, "Oh, no, no, please don't throw that away. I'm going to need that when I move again." [00:28:15] So for a kid to think that that's their normal.
A journey bag is so small, but the response we get from kids who receive those bags and even teenagers who receive those bags and the agency, they love handing those out because it's just like Christmas. It's just a little joy in the midst of a hard time. It's not everything.
We've heard stories of kids actually coming to Jesus because they read the Bible that was in the bag, and it brought them back to the faith that they had learned of long ago. We've had kids who have seen a bag, and in one story, a church had like 500 bags, and half of those bags went to one agency, and another sort went to another agency, and one kid opens his bag and it has the book Diarrhea of a Wimpy Kid, which is his absolute favorite book. And not everybody has that. I mean, just little tiny touch points that God says, "I see you. I'm with you. I love you."
Notes of encouragement is huge. Like I told you in my situation, but we've also heard foster moms receiving a note from a journey bag. Her teenager had the journey bag. It was a very hard placement. We heard that this mom took that note out of the bag that was written to her and she put that on her fridge and that note is what kept her going because she knew that she could do this. She was not in this alone. [00:29:32]
So there are so many tangible needs. So many. There's also very many emotional needs. Kids need mentors. Kids need to know that they have someone to look up to. They need people to just be there. Families need mentors. Kids need life skills help.
A lot of times kids who are aging out don't even know how to do something as simple maybe that seems to us as baking cookies. They've never had that life experience that we've done with our moms for years. They don't know how to balance a checkbook. They don't know how, if they need glasses, to go advocate for themselves and go get glasses. I mean, they don't know how to put together a resume. They don't know what to do when their car breaks down. I mean, they just don't know because they haven't experienced it.
The needs are... there's thousands of them. But the idea that we like to impress on people is that, what are you excited about? And then what do you do good at? Are you good at art? Are you good at painting? Are you good at...? And then try to match that up with maybe a need that is in your area. [00:30:35]
If you have a TFI advocate in your area, talk to them, find out what the needs are right now in your community and you can do that. Again, just go to the website and there's a page that says "meet our advocates" and you can find your advocate in your area. Ask them what are the needs and then find the need that fits you and make a difference.
Laura Dugger: Looking at bigger picture, what vision do you have for the church and foster care in the future?
Jamie Kaeb: I envision God's people rising up in every single community across our nation to serve, to mentor, to support the men, the women, and the children in foster care. I want to see God's people... and it's happening through TFI, through many, many other organizations as well. It is a movement that is bigger than one organization. But that God's people are rising up and they are seeing this need, they're seeing these people and that they are getting involved at all different levels. And so that is our vision.
Our mission is that God's people rise up in every single community, whether that be through TFI or not. So that is why we are so intentional about bringing awareness and education and opportunities to serve. [00:31:39]
Laura Dugger: And you've given us a resource where we can get started with your website. You also do podcasts where you highlight foster care stories and even things we wouldn't think of related to it, like human trafficking. What other resources would you recommend if somebody wants to learn more about this topic?
Jamie Kaeb: Our Facebook page, the whole point of our Facebook page is just to bring hope and encouragement in education. And so you're going to find little about TFI and a lot just opportunities to share or get insight. So go there, facebook.com/forgotteninitiative and you're just going to see a lot of graphics that have a quote on them or an article that is going to bring encouragement or awareness. That's a huge place to go.
Our blog that's on our website. I love our blog because it is written by foster parents, by people in the field. I mean, we basically just try to curate a lot of great content. We find great bloggers and we say, "Hey, do you want to join our team?" [00:32:39] So our blogs are not written by TFI, they're written by people out in the field. So we're just trying to share.
Basically, I heard, I think it was Michael Hyatt saying once, you need to be the DJ and play the hits. And that's kind of our goal on Facebook, on Instagram, on our blog is let's find the best information and get it out there in the hands of our people.
The other thing I really am excited about is we just created a brand new children's book series. We call it the Who Loves series. This is for kids in foster care specifically, though any child could read it. And I would encourage other children who don't have this experience to read it too, because it will definitely give them an insight into the world of those kids in foster care who may be in their own classrooms at school.
So this brand new resource you can find at wholoveseries.org. But there's basically three books, and they're written to different age groups, to babies, to toddlers, or babies, to 3-7 year olds, and to 7-10 year olds. And it just really gives insight into the people that our kids interact with and also the emotions and the questions that our kids in foster care have. [00:33:46]
Laura Dugger: That is so exciting. I didn't know about that. Any other resources you would recommend?
Jamie Kaeb: Find our website, find the blog, find the podcast. I mean, all of that is great. But I would also say there's some other great podcasts out there. There's a blog called Confessions of an Adaptive Parent.
They do a blog called Honestly Adoption.
There's a blog on a ministry called Tapestry Ministry, Empowered to Connect. Their podcast is a lot more about, okay, I found out my child's lying, what do I do? So they're gonna be a lot more practical.
There's a book called Confessions of an Adoptive Parent, a book by Jason Johnson called Reframing Foster Care. We live in a good time, you guys, because there's a lot of good information.
One other thing is anyone who enjoys conferences, there's a conference called CAFO, Christian Alliance for Orphans, but it is a conference if you are interested in foster care adoption or orphan care of any kind, you need to go. They do come this way, they've been in Chicago. But that's a really great resource too. [00:34:52]
There's also a conference called Refresh, and that is a conference for foster parents and those who are considering foster care as well.
Laura Dugger: Awesome. This conversation has been eye-opening. I just appreciate your openness to share your story. Now we'll end with a more playful question. So our podcast is called The Savvy Sauce for a reason. "Savvy" means practical knowledge or discernment. And now knowing that definition, what is your savvy sauce?
Jamie Kaeb: I would say, I mean, practical knowledge... I am not a very practical person in a lot of ways, but I'll tell you some little tips of things that I do in my life to kind of keep things going. One thing that has been huge for our family is we call it quiet time. We started this when Paige really was two and she stopped taking naps. And I was like, no, no, this is not good.
When we had few kids the quiet time was much shorter. As we've grown in our family, the quiet time has gotten quite a bit longer. But I'll tell you every single day... Now all my kids are at school but even on the weekends we make our kids go to their rooms and do something quietly for two and a half hours. [00:36:06]
I know two and a half hours might sound like a whole lot of time. But I'm telling you it is essential for our family because I need that time and my kids need that time. And they don't love it but they have learned too that's just part of our life. And I want them to understand that in your daily rhythm, you need to take time to just pause and to stop and to be quiet.
I would say also scheduling date nights with your spouse, that has been huge for Clint and I. We schedule date night every two weeks and we have a sitter and we have it on the calendar and it just happens. And we forget that it's coming up and all of a sudden we'll see in our calendar, Oh my goodness, it's date night. That has been huge for us to just stay connected.
We go out for four hours, so we go out and we sit and eat and then we'll just maybe go to Barnes and Nobles and just read even separately. It's enough time that we can talk through whatever we need to talk through. [00:37:03]
Honestly, sometimes we can even get a little bit bored and be like, okay, what do we do now? And I think that's a healthy place to be because you need that time. There's nights when we just talk, talk, talk and there's nights when we'll sit and read together, just be... I think date nights with kids is another big thing that we do.
Actually, it's eight in the mornings usually, once a week, in general. This definitely can spread out longer than it is. But once a week, I will take a kid or Clint will take a kid out to like Denny's for breakfast. And so basically the goal is that every week one of us is taking one of our kids. For us, having a big family, it's really, really important to us that we invest in them, that they know that they are heard. They're not just one of the pack. I want them to know that mom gets me, and mom hears me, and mom sees me, and dad sees me.
So those are a few things I think are huge. Can I give a couple more? I love this kind of stuff.
Laura Dugger: This is amazing.
Jamie Kaeb: This gets me going. This gets me excited, is organization stuff, because I think having a big family, you feel like a lot of things are out of control. [00:38:07] And so there are some things you can control.
Putting workout clothes out the night before so when I wake up, I will go to the gym. If I don't put them out, often I won't go. That's something simple. I think making kids work is huge. I tell them, "Guys, I can't do this on my own. I need your help.
I heard from a friend who taught her kids when they were eight years old how to do laundry. So last summer, I taught all kids who were eight and older how to do their own laundry. And in the summer, their job was to do their own laundry, to wash, dry and fold it and get it in their rooms. That was huge.
The final thing that has been a game changer and has changed my whole life is online grocery ordering.
Laura Dugger: Well, with a family that big, you have to have these amazing ways to all work together. I just want to say thank you for bringing a voice to the voiceless, for being obedient to God's specific call on your life. Your faith has clearly been put into action, and it glorifies our God. He's the one who desires and offers to be the Father to the fatherless. So thanks again for doing your part, Jamie.
Jamie Kaeb: Laura, thank you so much. [00:39:16]
Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him.
This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.
This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. [00:40:22]
We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.
So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen.
If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him.
At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started? [00:41:24]
First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John.
Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you.
We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process.
Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today.
If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.
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