Monday Morning Aural Sex: 2019-04-29 (i LiStEn To EvErYtHiNg EdItIoN)

Psst… Hey, hey you… WELCOMEMOCLEW! This week, we have the i LiStEn To EvErYtHiNg EdItIoN. Why? Let us discuss. You ever meet someone who, when asked about what music they listen to, claims to listen to “everything,” or they scale it back to, “a little bit of everything?” Sounds kinda like this:

 

“So, what kinda music are you into?”

 

“*giggles* OMG, I’m so fucked up. What’d you say? Oh, yeah, I listen to everything, you know. Lil’ bit of everythaaaang. *giggles*”

 

I’m sure you’ve heard that before. You may even say that sort of thing yourself. Now, as we proceed in this discussion, I’m going to do my best to not sound like a pretentious douche-bicycle. That said, I think we can all agree that nobody listens to everything. That statement is obviously not meant to be taken literally.

 

Even if someone isn’t a drunken, basic-ass, white bitch (applies to males and/or females, by the way), you know  that in saying, “I listen to everything,” they’re basically just shrugging off your question because they have no interest in an actual discussion about music. I think they just passively hear whatever happens to be coming out of whichever speakers happen to be in their vicinity, and they don’t think about it beyond that. I think it’s more that they’re afraid of silence than enthusiastic about music.

 

To me, that response, “I listen to everything,” displays a laziness and/or apathy for which I have zero fucking patience. That might sound like too intense an emotion than this warrants, but hear me out. I know what long, silent nights feel like. I know how it feels to go days, weeks, months, even years without anyone at all being curious about your passions. I know what it’s like to insatiably search for new music, because I happen to do that almost every fucking week for this fucking podcast. Y’all really have no idea, and likely no appreciation for that, but I don’t do this for the clout. If that was my aim, podcasting sure as fuck wouldn’t be a wise choice of medium.

 

Anyway, I digress. So, along comes someone who asks you what kind of music you like, and you shrug it off. Granted, not everyone who asks that question is intending to get into a long discussion about music. I imagine most people don’t intend on that. However, in that moment, you’re given a platform (albeit a small one) upon which to express your passions. You could say anything, and yet paradoxically, in saying, “everything,” you say nothing. Small fucking wonder that human potential goes squandered again. If it’s actually true that you listen to a diverse array of music, why not say something more descriptive like, “I listen to a lot of different genres,” or “I’ve been listening to a lot of Australian post-modern grind-polka lately, but my heart and soul remain devoted to Zimbabwean indie-surf-wave-step-core.”

 

The bottom line of this nauseatingly interminable fucking intro is when you’re given an opportunity to express yourself, fucking grab that shit! Use the power of words to make people fucking remember you, at least for a little while! Everyone dies, of course. Everyone returns to the silence from whence they came, but during this brief fucking window of your life, why not fucking live a little? Why would you just drift through your fucking life like some insentient, passionless sack of flesh? All sorts of reasons, I’m sure. For every inaction, there are innumerable, perfectly valid excuses.

 

So, you know what? I think this is how that exchange could be improved, at least for the asker:

 

“So, what kind of music are you into?”

 

“*giggles* OMG, I’m so fucked up. What’d you say? Oh, yeah, I listen to everything, you know. Lil’ bit of everythaaaang. *giggles*”

 

“Really? Hmm, that’s nice. Well, you have yourself a good night then.”

 

Now then, with all that fucking rambling outta the way, let’s briefly discuss the kind of stuff we’ll be listening to (or simply fucking hearing) this week. I went far and wide throughout my vast fucking digital library to find some of the most bizarre and challenging tracks for the sake of being true to, “everything.” However, I also wanted to make a good podcast; one that doesn’t feel like a fucking chore.

 

Some of you might get some laughs outta this, most of you won’t get through the whole thing, and I’m one of (most likely) only a handful of fucking people on this planet who have actually sat through that 15-minute-long Unknown Track by Dev. I’ve actually sat through it multiple times, and my inclusion of it on this podcast means I’ll sit through it yet again. I wouldn’t blame any of you at all for not doing so, however. I happen to be extraordinarily patient and/or masochistic when it comes to certain tracks, and that’s one of the most challenging tracks in my arsenal.

 

One more thing before we commence ze yojne, big thanks to Serena for playing the part of the basic bitch. It was her first time doing any sort of voice acting, and she did great.

 

Noooooooooooooooooooooow, FINALLY, we yojne!

 

 

01 The Berzerker - Reality (from The Berzerker) [00:04:15]

 

02 Weird Al Yankovic - Angry White Boy Polka (from Poodle Hat) [00:05:34]

 

03 Mark N - I Love Faeces (from Ministry of Shit) [00:10:34]

 

04 DJ Rainbow Ejaculation - Midi Chin Chin2 (from Midi_sai Hit Parade) [00:11:03]

 

05 I.Y.F.F.E. - Drama Queen (VIP) (from Drama Queen Remixes EP) [00:12:09]

 

06 Otto Von Schirach - Skeleton Search (from Salpica / Skeleton Search) [00:16:06]

 

07 Garfunkel and Oates - Pregnant Women Are Smug (from All Over Your Face) [00:20:31]

 

08 Charles Bukowski - The Genius of the Crowd (from Uncensored (Disc 1)) [00:22:52]

 

09 Insane Clown Posse - I Stab People (from The Amazing Jeckel Brothers) [00:25:12]

 

10 m11dy - TOKYO STYLE SPEEDCORE (REBUILD) (from ROARING THE ODD HYMN) [00:26:50]

 

11 にしかわっち - 君色サイレンマシーン (from にしかわっちの一夜漬けトラックス) [00:28:58]

 

12 Napalm Death - You Suffer (from Noise For Musiks Sake (Disc 1)) [00:30:08]

 

13 Eppu Normali - Poliisi Pamputtaa Taas (from Bloodstains Across Europe #1) [00:30:09]

 

14 Excrementory Grindfuckers - For Whom The Shit Rolls (from Fertigmachen, Szeneputzen (Finish, scene flashes)) [00:31:57]

 

15 Melt-Banana - Area 877 (Phoenix Mix) (from Charlie) [00:33:35]

 

16 Wolf Eyes - Noise Not Music (from Human Animal) [00:35:11]

 

17 The Section Quartet - Parabol (from Anotomica - The String Quartet Tribute to Tool) [00:37:26]

 

18 Norrin Radd - Audrey’s Dance (Twin Peaks The NES Game) (from Town) [00:40:33]

 

19 65daysofstatic - Install A Beak in the Heart That Clucks Time in Arabic (from The fall of math) [00:42:14]

 

20 n.A.c. - V I (from Kutimu - Soulful Mouths) [00:47:02]

 

21 Netsky vs. Marilyn Manson vs. Narcotic Thrust vs. P!nk - Narcotic Pink Shit Heart (from Mash-Up Your Bootz Party Vol. 43) [00:49:05]

 

22 Los Campesinos! - This Is How You Spell, "HAHAHA, We Destroyed the Hopes and Dreams of a Generation of Faux-Romantics" (from Hold On Now, Youngster) [00:54:24]

 

23 Harpsicorpse - Cysequor Cyequor (from Suite For Harpsichord) [00:58:36]

 

24 Ove-Naxx - U Like Monkey Karkalush (from Midi_sai Hit Parade) [01:00:36]

 

25 Younger Brother - Weird On A Monday Night (from A Flock of Bleeps) [01:05:07]

 

26 usedtobecool - disqualified from the human race (from I can’t believe I used to like those guys) [01:14:44]

 

27 Garfunkel and Oates - The Ex-Boyfriend Song (from Slippery When Moist) [01:17:35]

 

28 The Prodigy vs. Ini Kamoze - Smack My Hotstepper Up [DJ M.i.F.] (from Mash-Up Your Bootz Party Vol. 4) [01:17:40]

 

29 Alex Gibson - Hurt (from Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Nine Inch Nails) [01:23:01]

 

30 Frederic Chopin - 3 Nocturnes, Op. 9//ii E flat (from The Piano Works Disc  3// Nocturnes Op. 9, 15, 27, 32, 37) [01:27:12]

 

31 Insane Clown Posse - Still Stabbin’ (from Bizaar) [01:31:07]

 

32 Doormouse - Anyone Who Names A Track "Anyone Who Names A Track 'So And So Can Kiss My Such And Such Ass' Can Kiss My (Adjective) (Noun) Ass" Can Kiss My (Better Adjective) (Better Noun) Ass (from Freaked Out Mess) [01:35:09]

 

33 Napolean XIV - They’re Coming To Take Me Away, Ha-Haaa! (from Silly Songs) [01:40:20]

 

34 Skkatter - Please Take My Head Out Of This Bucket Of Ice (from Ministry of Shit) [01:42:24]

 

35 Nostalghia - I’d Still Kill You (from Chrysalis) [01:45:55]

 

36 Nicki Minaj - Starships (Chipmunk Drag Queen on Speed Remix) (from Pink Friday (Roman Reloaded)) [01:49:32]

 

37 The Death Set - Kittens Inspired By Kittens (from Michel Poiccard) [01:50:56]

 

38 Suprême NTM - Touche Pas À Ma Musique (That’s My People Remix) (from Le Clash Boss Vs IV My People) [01:51:18]

 

39 I Broke My Robot - Why Did You Have To Make It Hurt? (from Tomorrow Does Not Exist) [01:54:47]

 

40 The Locust - Halfway To A Worthless Ideal Arrangement (An Interlude To A Discontinued Sarcastic Harmony...Yea Whatever) (from The Locust) [01:58:29]

 

41 Passenger of Shit - Suckdogass (from Tough Titties) [01:59:16]

 

42 Nero’s Day at Disneyland - Money Puts Horrible Boundaries On Human Possibilities (from Grievances and Dead Malls) [02:01:27]

 

43 Laurie Anderson - Someone Else’s Dream (from The Ugly One With The Jewels And Other Stories) [02:03:47]

 

44 Wesley Willis & The Dragnews - Suck A Polar Bear’s Dick (from Greatest Hits Vol. 3) [02:06:13]

 

45 BLÆRG - Dubious Portals (from New Era) [02:08:07]

 

46 Ian Shoales - Little White Lies (from I Gotta Go) [02:11:31]

 

47 Insane Clown Posse - Mental Warp (from Forgotten Freshness Vol. 2) [02:12:44]

 

48 Duke Jordan Quintet - Starbrite (from Rollins’ Choice (Blue Note Selections by Henry Rollins (Disc 2: Night)) [02:17:11]

 

49 Venetian Snares - I Rent The Ocean (from Doll Doll Doll) [02:24:56]

 

50 Charles Manson - Sick City (from Lie: The Love and Terror Cult) [02:30:39]

 

51 猫叉Master - サヨナラ・ヘヴン (from Rain Drops) [02:32:14]

 

52 Michael Armstrong - Fade To Black (from Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Renditions of Metallica) [02:37:07]

 

53 Dev - Unknown Track (from Tsunbosajiki) [02:42:09]