www.TheDavidAlliance.com
TDAgiantslayer@gmail.com
webstix.com Tony Herman - the coolest cat on the net
Jerry Chitwood
Ultimately when there is a conflict between you and another person there almost always comes a time where it becomes personal. You get attacked over the actual issue at hand.
This gets personal for a few reasons.
- We all know that there is probably some truth in the personal attack.
- We also know there are some exaggerations and lies in the attack.
- We are created in Gods image and know that we have are greater than the accusation
- Finally if you are a Christian you know that you are in right standing by what Christ has done on the cross so you may feel a little unfairly picked on even if there is some truth in the attack.
Escape
1. Denial-1 Samuel 2:22-25 Eli and his Sons
2. Flight-1 Samuel 19:9-10 David and King Saul
3. Suicide-Matthew 27:1-5 Judas
Attack
1. Assault-those of the synagogue attacked Stephen
2. Litigation - Paul (avoid Matthew 5:25-26, 1Cor 6:1-8 )
3. Murder-Acts 7:54-58 Killing of Stephen
Reconciliation
1. Overlook an Offense-Prov 19:11
2. Reconciliation-Mat 5:23-24, Gal 6:1 “restore gently”
3. Negotiation-Phil 2:4 “not look to own interests”
4. Mediation-Mat 18:16 “two or more”
5. Arbitration-1 Corinthians 6:4 “appoint Judges”
6. Accountability-Mat 18:17 ”tell it to the church”
Our Perspective is the Key! We are Christians First!
I. See Conflict as an Opportunity (Romans 8:28-29)
I Corinthians 10:31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, 33 just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. 11:1 Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.
A. To Glorify God
B. To Serve Others
C. To Grow to be like Christ
(skip to bottom)
II. Get the Log out of Your Own Eye
Matthew 7:5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."
III. Remember Your Goal is to Reconcile.
1 Corinthians 3:13 Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.
IV. Remember Your Goal is to Restore
Jesus said in the context of a loving shepherd and wandering sheep Matthew18:15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.
V. Always use the Bible as the system of Negotiation
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Phil 2:3-4; see Mat 22:39; 1 Cor 13:5; Mat 7:12)
1. Prepare (pray, get the facts, seek godly counsel, develop options)
2. Affirm relationships (show genuine concern and respect for others)
3. Understand interests (identify others' concerns, desires, needs, limitations, or
fears)
4. Search for creative solutions (prayerful brainstorming)
5. Evaluate options objectively and reasonably (evaluate, don't argue)
VI. Understand Some people are just Unreasonable
“God does not measure success in terms of results, but in terms of faithful obedience.”
What we must do
1. Control your tongue ("Bless those who curse you;" see also Eph. 4:29)
2. Seek godly advisors (identify with others and do not become isolated)
3. Keep doing what is right (see 1 Pet. 2;12, 15; 3:15b-16)
4. Recognize your limits (instead of retaliating, stay within proper biblical
channels)
5. Use the ultimate weapon: deliberate, focused love (see also John 3:16;
Luke 6:27-31)
VII. Pray about the situation constantly
1 Thessalonians 5:17 “Pray without ceasing”
VIII. Get help from the Church
Matthew 18:15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 "And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. 18 "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. 20 "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."
Understand this: We have a myth out there that we as Christians must always get along and agree. Thats not true. Paul did not get along with Barnabas, John Mark and even butted heads with Peter.
But they always chose to make God look good regardless and chose to love each other. YES YOU CAN LOVE YOUR BROTHER AND STILL NOT AGREE WITH THEM.
Personal example: Have a friend who is on fire for God, but his approach is a hammer, I see him tick people off… but he is effective and he is Godly and he is the real deal… but His style bothers me. He knows I think that but we love each other. Will we go out and witness together??? probably not anytime soon… but He is my brother in Christ.
Proper Channels when Dealing with Conflict
1. Go to them privately
If we told someone else without telling them then we have already broken the
procedure.
2. Bring a witness
That is to witness your discussion.
3. Bring it before the church
This could also mean the council or the judges of the church. 1 Cor 6:4
DEALING WITH
CONFLICT
Create your
podcast in
minutes
It is Free