121 Motherhood On Purpose with Ruth Schwenk

121. Motherhood on Purpose with Ruth Schwenk

 

**Transcription Below**

 

1 Samuel 17: 39+40 (AMP) “Then David fastened his sword over his armor and tried to walk, [but he could not,] because he was not used to them. And David said to Saul, “I cannot go with these, because I am not used to them.” So David took them off. Then he took his [shepherd’s] staff in his hand and chose for himself five smooth stones out of the stream bed, and put them in his shepherd’s bag which he had, that is, in his shepherd’s pouch. With his sling in his hand, he approached the Philistine.” 

 

Ruth Schwenk is co-founder of The Better Life Ministry, co-host of the Rootlike Faith podcast, and co-author with her husband, Pat, of In A Boat in the Middle of a Lake: Trusting the God Who Meets Us in Our Storm. A graduate of Moody Bible Institute, Ruth is also the author of The Better Mom book and Devotional, Pressing Pause, and Faith Forward Family Devotional. Ruth is a Michigan football superfan, a self-proclaimed “foodie,” and lover of all things HGTV. But her greatest joy is her family.  She is a blessed wife to her Pastor/Author husband, Patrick, and mom to four beautiful children, and she eagerly awaits meeting her five others, lost through miscarriage, in heaven one day. 

 

Connect with Ruth on Instagram or Facebook

 

Ruth Schwenk’s Free resources:

Faith Forward Family Map (includes Family Mission Statement)

Yearly Personal Inventory for Moms

Scriptures for Hope During Hard Times

 

At The Savvy Sauce, we will only recommend resources we believe in! We also want you to be aware: We are a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for us to earn fees by linking to Amazon.com and affiliated sites. 

 

Resources Authored and Co-Authored by Ruth Schwenk:

In the Boat in the Middle of a Lake

From Grouchy to Great

The Better Mom Devotional

Settle My Soul

Pressing Pause

The Better Mom

Faith Forward Family

For Better or for Kids

Hoodwinked

The Better Mom Prayer Journal

 

Thank You to Our Sponsor: Peoria Christian School

 

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Gospel Scripture: (all NIV)

 

Romans 3:23 “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,”

 

Romans 3:24 “and are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”

 

Romans 3:25 (a) “God presented him as a sacrifice of atonement, through faith in his blood.” 

 

Hebrews 9:22 (b) “without the shedding of blood there is no forgiveness.” 

 

Romans 5:8 “But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” 

 

Romans 5:11 “Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” 

 

John 3:16 “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

 

Romans 10:9 “That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” 

 

Luke 15:10 says “In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”

 

Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus”

 

Ephesians 1:13–14 “And you also were included in Christ when you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation. Having believed, you were marked in him with a seal, the promised Holy Spirit, who is a deposit guaranteeing our inheritance until the redemption of those who are God’s possession- to the praise of his glory.”

 

Ephesians 1:15–23 “For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers. I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better. I pray also that the eyes of your heart may be enlightened in order that you may know the hope to which he has called you, the riches of his glorious inheritance in the saints, and his incomparably great power for us who believe. That power is like the working of his mighty strength, which he exerted in Christ when he raised him from the dead and seated him at his right hand in the heavenly realms, far above all rule and authority, power and dominion, and every title that can be given, not only in the present age but also in the one to come. And God placed all things under his feet and appointed him to be head over everything for the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills everything in every way.”

 

Ephesians 2:8–10 “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God‘s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.“

 

Ephesians 2:13 “But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ.“

 

Philippians 1:6 “being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.”

 

**Transcription**

[00:00:00] <music>

 

Laura Dugger: Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, where we have practical chats for intentional living. I'm your host Laura Dugger, and I'm so glad you're here. 

 

[00:00:18] <music>

 

Laura Dugger: I want to say thank you to our sponsor, Peoria Christian School. They are raising a generation of 21st-century Christian leaders right here in central Illinois. Visit their website at peoriachristian.org. Thanks for your sponsorship.

 

Ruth Schwenk is a life-giving person to spend time with. She is a talented author and speaker, and we're going to cover various topics she has studied, applied, and can now pass along to each of us as encouragement at this exact point of our parenting journey. You will end this conversation with clear next steps to take to confidently live joyfully with intentionality.

 

Here's our chat. 

 

Welcome to The Savvy Sauce, Ruth.

 

Ruth Schwenk: Thank you so much for having me.

 

Laura Dugger: Will you just begin by sharing more of your story? [00:01:19] 

 

Ruth Schwenk: Yeah. So where do I start? My husband and I have been married for 22 years, which seems impossible and makes me sound old. But I don't know, I don't feel old. But we've been married for 22 years and have been in full-time church ministry — my husband's a pastor — for that entire time.

 

We have four kids. Our oldest is 18, we have a 16-year-old, a 13-year-old, and an 11-year-old. Sometimes I say their age is wrong, just so you know. We all struggle with that. We have four kids.

 

Let's see. About 10 years ago, I was really feeling called into mom ministry and I wasn't sure how that looked, and I really prayed about it for quite a while. About that time, blogs were kind of getting popular. 

 

After praying about it for a while, I felt like I was supposed to start an online ministry for moms. [00:02:19] So I started, about 10 years ago, thebettermom.com. It is still a place for moms of all different ages and in different stages to come together to learn and grow and to become better by becoming more like Jesus. We have about 30 contributors. I gathered all different women to write for the site. 

 

That's kind of where my online journey began. It was pretty crazy. I had no idea what I was doing, but I was just following what I felt like God had put on my heart and called me to do. 

 

Through that, all sorts of things opened up. I now have written, I don't even know, 8 to 10 books. We have a ministry also for families now called forthefamily.org. Our overall ministry is called thebetterlifeministry.com.

 

We have a podcast. We have all sorts of stuff now that all just kind of bloomed out of that little space where I felt like God was calling me 10 years ago. [00:03:22] It's been a pretty incredible journey.

 

We still are in local church ministry. I feel like that's our first calling. We absolutely love being a part of online ministry as well and just the opportunity to reach people all over the world.

 

Laura Dugger: From your story, it's apparent that you have a lot of roles to manage and you're managing them well. How have you and Patrick found a rhythm that works even in the midst of busyness?

 

Ruth Schwenk: Well, I first want to say it's never perfect. I feel like there's an ebb and flow to this. You're always kind of reevaluating and where do we need to make some changes? What are we doing well at? First of all, Pat and I, we're a really good team. We work really well together.

 

There's areas that I'm strong in and there's areas that he's strong in. We kind of makeup for that, I think, in one another. He loves to write, so that's always been a love of his. [00:04:27] That definitely has helped in our online ministry because there are books that we have written together. 

 

But then, of course, step away from just online ministry and local church ministry, we have to start here in the home with our family. I think you're right. There's so much to manage. There's so many pieces.

 

Honestly, it's only gotten harder as the kids have gotten older because they become their own person and they have their own things to do. It's not so much that I can put them down for a nap and do my thing. Saying all of that, every season has looked different for us.

 

I would encourage the listener to be okay with that. Different seasons bring different rhythms and things may have to look differently. It never looks perfect.

 

I think one thing that Pat and I have done over the years that has really helped, and we haven't done this perfectly either, but our expectations, we've tried to communicate those to one another. [00:05:28] I think we take for granted how instead of me thinking, Oh, I wish you would be doing this, or I wish this would be really helpful if we would... We can so internalize those thoughts and those things. 

 

But there's such a change when I just ask for help and I say, "Hey, could you do this?" Because then all of a sudden, I'm not having these thoughts like, "Oh, I wish you would." Also, because I think that really helps us keep a rhythm in the midst of busyness. 

 

Another thing I would say that has been really huge for us over the years, it's just really making sure that as a family in our home, we know what our values are. We know what to say no to, what to say yes to, because we've taken the time to sit down and map out what's important to us, what we're willing to sacrifice our time for.

 

Those are just some things I think that we've done over the years that have really helped us manage well in the midst of busyness. Again, I don't want to make this sound perfect, because it isn't. [00:06:31] You're constantly reevaluating. There's going to be times that you're busy, and that's okay. I don't want to be so strict and legalistic about it that there's not room for some of that ebb and flow like I was talking about.

 

Laura Dugger: I hear you saying that with you and Patrick and your marriage, you keep it real-time with your communication or expectations, but then also you knew your values, and your family knew their values. Could you give an example right now when they're 11 to 18, what does a decision look like for you that you all are willing to sacrifice because of a certain value?

 

Ruth Schwenk: One of our values is eating dinner together. That doesn't mean that every single night of the week we're able to do that, but we want to do that as often as possible. This is something that years ago, when they were really little, that we sat down and said.

 

If one of the kids has an activity like basketball, and their practice is every night of the week at dinnertime, and it's going to go on for nine months of the year, and they come to us and say, "This is what I really want to do," we probably are going to try to figure out something else. [00:07:46] That's probably not going to work because that would totally go against one thing that's very important to us. We'd never be together for dinner. I guess that's an example, like a real-life example. 

 

Again, there's seasons. So maybe then we find something that's a little bit shorter of a season. Maybe practices are a little bit later or a little bit earlier, or maybe they are at dinnertime, but they're only like two nights a week. You know, every family is different here.

 

But that's an example of how we would take a value of ours and apply it to an opportunity or something that we wanted to be a part of. I will say people can tend to then just pull back so much. So there is a balance here. We are to be servants. We are to serve Christ. We are to serve in our local church. There's things like that. Of course, it's not at the expense of our family, but we do need a balance there, that there are things like that that we will give our lives to that are important to us. [00:08:46] 

 

Laura Dugger: That sounds like a both-and rather than an either-or. That always sounds like wisdom. You are obviously a gifted writer, as revealed by your popular blog and many books. We won't have time to cover all the topics that you've studied and written about, but I do want to explore a few. 

 

In your recent book, The Better Mom, you note that Jesus calls us to live not a weary life, but a worthy life. Will you teach us more about that idea of finding freedom and walking confidently in our purpose?

 

Ruth Schwenk: Wow. There's so much we could talk about with this, but I think the tendency is to be overwhelmed by our circumstances and maybe even the desires and callings of our heart in our life and feel stuck there without moving forward. I don't know about you, but that makes me weary. [00:09:46] 

 

When I know I'm not walking confidently into the purpose that God has called me, it's a burden. Because when we've been called to something, that's what God has for us that will make us come alive.

 

I guess when you bring up that question, that's immediately what comes to my mind. We can walk confidently in our purpose. For instance, ten years ago, when I really felt God impressing upon my heart to start this mom ministry, my kids were little.

 

One of the places that came from was because I was at home alone. I felt like I can't be the only one that feels like this. I was just trying to get through the day, I felt like. I felt like I wanted a place where moms could come together that felt like that. 

 

For me, I felt that calling. Now, I knew in that season that there was going to be things that I probably couldn't do because of where I was at. I had young kids. But there was still something that God was calling me to, and I followed His call. [00:10:47] 

 

As moms, I will be the first to say that we have such a high calling as a mom. We have a mission. God has called us to raise kids who will be a light to the world. Who we are at home is who we really are. I'll be the first to say that. But I don't think that that is our identity. Our identity and our worth is in being a child of Christ.

 

Just because I'm called to be a mom doesn't mean I'm not called to be something else as well. Don't be afraid of that. But again, it's going to look different in different seasons.

 

I didn't really travel very much and speak those first few years because my kids were so little. And I had to have boundaries. Even though I was following God's call, there were things I just couldn't do. My first calling was at home with my family.

 

Laura Dugger: I just want to lean into this a little bit. Was it at all a wrestle or struggle for you to know that you are called to this beautiful role of being a mother and also, that was not your only calling? [00:11:53] Because I'm thinking of the woman listening who maybe has something stirring in her heart, or she has something that she does in addition to motherhood. As a believer, maybe she's gotten some mixed messages of whether that's okay or not. How would you respond to her?

 

Ruth Schwenk: Well, I would say I don't know if it's my personality. I don't know. I've always had something else. It's made me a better mom, to be honest with you. I feel like when I am walking confidently into the calling where I feel like God is calling me, I feel like for my kids to watch their mother be called by God to walk out what He has for me has a great impact on them. 

 

We've always involved them in our ministry and things we've done, and they're always there with us. They're always a part of all of that. We involve them in everything. And I think that we take for granted the impact it can have on our kids to actually see their mom live out a calling that God has placed on their life. [00:12:59] 

 

Now, I'm not talking about something where you are completely absent. It can become unhealthy, right, like anything. And so I think we have to be careful. There's different seasons.

 

When I was called into mom ministry and all of this online stuff opened up and I could have been speaking all the time. For my family, that would have been very detrimental because they needed me here. Honestly, I needed to be here as well. I don't think I could have managed all of that.

 

So I think it's different for everybody. I think every season is different. But I just keep coming back to that our identity is in Christ, and He has called us to serve Him. For all of us, that will be in different ways. The areas that God has called me, I have followed in. And I think that that has awakened things in me, it has stirred gifts in me, and it has made me come alive in ways that have really spilled out into my family as well. [00:14:01] 

 

Laura Dugger: Oh, I love that. Because I think that you're just modeling how we can walk in the freedom of God, and even by doing so, that just naturally can train or teach our children to do the same. 

 

And now a brief message from our sponsor. 

 

Sponsor: This sponsor is particularly special to our editor Natalie, because this is the school where her husband teaches and her children attend.

 

Peoria Christian School, grades pre-K through 12, offers a Christ-centered, award-winning education for students. They believe eternity matters, and so they want to share the importance of knowing the Lord personally. PCS supports the Christian home and church by teaching from a biblical worldview. Their caring faculty and staff infuses God's truths through every area of the day, not just in daily Bible classes or in weekly chapels. 

 

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Peoria Christian School is raising a generation of 21st-century Christian leaders. Visit their website at peoriachristian.org and schedule a campus tour today. Thanks for your sponsorship.

 

In a book authored by you and your husband, entitled For Better or For Kids, you encourage others to build a God-centered marriage instead of a child-centered or me-centered marriage. So how can we actually do that? [00:16:02] 

 

Ruth Schwenk: When we talk about that in the book For Better or For Kids, we're talking about the tendency to build our whole life around our kids and what they're doing versus first and foremost our marriage is the first priority. Some of the things that we notice that might be warning signs, I guess, of it becoming more of a child-centered or me-centered marriage would be, are you too busy as a family because of all the kids' activities? You do everything at home, the kids don't. So what I mean by that is chores. And everything at home you're just trying to keep it all together and they're not doing anything. 

 

Maybe you feel alone in your marriage. You don't have time for a date night ever. Things like that would be warning signs that something probably isn't right. 

 

I think that how we build a God-centered marriage, well, first of all is the communication piece. That's very important.[00:17:03] And it's just really about serving one another selflessly, making your marriage a priority, like recognizing that the health of your home really starts there with your marriage. 

 

I think here also is taking a look to those values and priorities that you've set as a family, which I will give you a link that hopefully you can put in your show notes for listeners. It's a guide that actually my husband and I put together to help families set those values and priorities. It's very simple. I think that we don't realize the impact it can have to just have that framework for our family. So I do have a worksheet for listeners to help them do that.

 

Laura Dugger: I love that. That would be incredible. We will certainly link it in our show notes and under our Resources tab of our website to make it easy for people to find. 

 

In another one of your books that you co-authored, entitled Hoodwinked, you share about myths moms believe and how they're unhelpful until they're replaced with truth. [00:18:06] I would love to know, what have you seen to be the most destructive myth moms believe? 

 

Ruth Schwenk: Hoodwinked was actually my first book, and that was with Karen Ehman. She and I co-authored it together. The book is... Every chapter is a different myth that moms believe. I guess the one myth that stands out to me that I feel like really resonates with me, so I would assume others as well, is the myth, I have to do it all right, or my child will turn out wrong.

 

I think that that is a struggle we all face. And we don't face it once. Honestly, I still struggle with that at times as my kids are getting older. The dangers here are that when we believe a myth like that, like I have to do it all right, or my child will turn out wrong, is that we start to parent out of comparison and fear my own desires. [00:19:07] Like I want my kids to do what I want them to do. I might parent out of my past, so the things that I wrestled with still from years ago, I'm parenting to hopefully remedy that in my child. Also, I think we can parent just to find worth.

 

That's just being really honest, and I know some of those you want to go, ouch. You know what I mean? Am I parenting out of comparison? Come on, if we all were to be honest, I think we would probably admit, in all of those things I just mentioned, we probably all do that at different times.

 

But I think the biggest thing with this myth that I learned... and I remember one of my mentors, her name is Sally Clarkson. She's amazing. She's an author and a mentor to so many moms across the world. I remember her asking me years ago, "Ruth, is there one child of yours that you're just struggling to figure out?" 

 

Immediately I said yes. And I knew exactly who it was. And she said to me, "Well, she just needs you to sympathize with her." And I kind of looked at her, and I was like... and she basically was saying to me that she's not like you. [00:20:23] So I see her world through my world, and really she is a completely different personality than me. Instead of saying, oh, don't worry about it, it's not a big deal, she needs me to say, oh, I am so sorry that you feel like that. That's one area.

 

When I think about this myth, you know, I have to do it all right, or my child will turn out wrong, we of course don't have to do it all right, but there are ways that we can do it better. I think this is a huge thing for us as parents, if we can realize that for every child is different. 

 

And the tendency when we believe this, that we have to do it all right, is that we're trying to dress our kids in armor that they weren't meant to wear. What I mean by that is when we think about the story of David and Goliath in the Bible, I love this. I love this story when it comes to parenting. I have shared this numerous times over the years.

 

When it came to Saul turning over his armor to David, David put it on, he was like, Oh, I can't wear this. [00:21:27] So he did not wear the armor, he wore his own armor. And then, of course, we know he defeated Goliath. I feel like we as parents can be so much like Saul. 

 

We have that idea of what we want for our kids: who we want them to be, how we want them to act, what we want them to do. But really, they're called to wear their own armor. My kids aren't called to operate of the Ruth Schwenk perspective and personality. They have their own personality. They are their own person. They will have their own armor to wear.

 

I think if we can come with that perspective to parenting, there will be a burden lifted there because we'll realize it's okay that they're different than us. That doesn't mean that they're wrong. Ultimately, the big picture here is what we have to keep in mind. It's only by God's grace that our children turn out at all. We don't have to get it all right. We never will. We won't be perfect. [00:22:26] But by God's grace, we have to trust that He will take care of them, and He's a much better parent than we are.

 

Laura Dugger: That is very hopeful and very encouraging to hear. Another topic that I want to discuss comes from your daily devotional book that's called From Grouchy to Great. So will you share with us what you've learned about overcoming anger?

 

Ruth Schwenk: We have to take care of ourselves. And I think the very best way that we can take care of ourselves is by spending time in God's Word and not missing that. I understand that moms are busy, and we're looking for just those little pockets of time that we can spend with God. 

 

So I would really encourage the mom listening who feels like, I don't even know what to do here, day after day, as we spend time with God, we learn and we grow, and it changes who we are. 

 

I have a few devotionals that we've written. [00:23:25] One is called The Better Mom Devotional. Another one is called Pressing Pause, and another one is called Settle My Soul. All three of those devotionals are meant for somebody who has just a little bit of time to get away, so you have a pocket of time, you have 10 minutes maybe, to spend time with God.

 

I would just really encourage the listener to grab one of those and start doing that every single day and see how God changes your heart through that. In those devotions, there's depth to them, even though they're short. There's even a little prayer and a place to write a few things if you want. But I think for me, the biggest thing has been just being consistent at spending time with God.

 

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You are a critical part of this process, so thank you for generously giving your time to give us a five-star rating and review.

 

I'm sure this looks different for every mom listening, but for you, with 18 years of experience, when was anger the most challenging to master, and when was it the easiest for you?

 

Ruth Schwenk: For me, the hardest years in the area of just anger or just frustration, lashing out just because I'm irritated or whatever, was probably when my kids were little. I feel like it also depends on external circumstances that are happening in my life. [00:25:32] 

 

So I think we also need to recognize that. That it might be a very stressful season in my life because of something else going on, and so we're more prone because we're overwhelmed. We're stressed out by something else that, of course, is going to trigger. We're going to have less patience. All the stuff going on at home is only heightened because we're already stressed out about something else. 

 

But I feel like I was probably the most susceptible. Well, I know I was the most susceptible to that when my kids were really little. And I think probably it was mostly because, well, hormonally, you know, of course, as you're having kids, things are just not right. And then, of course, the sleep deprivation. There's so many tedious little things that you're dealing with all the time. So I think that was probably when I was the most susceptible.

 

Laura Dugger: Oh, and I wonder if that's just going to be very encouraging to a lot of parents, maybe if their kids are really young. It sounds like that changes over time, specifically in relation to anger. [00:26:36] 

 

Ruth Schwenk: Yeah. I mean, as my kids have gotten older, it's so different. There's other things that are really hard and challenging, but I feel like I'm not triggered like that.

 

Laura Dugger: That makes sense. I love that you bring up that other things change because it's not a grass is greener on the other side or like a lie that we can buy into that, oh, in just a few years or at the next phase, this will get better. I'm sure we'll always have joys and challenges at the same time in every season.

 

Ruth Schwenk: Yeah. And I think the biggest mistake we make is when we think once they're this age, it's going to be so much easier or I can just step back a little bit. It's like this battle for their hearts the whole time they're growing up. 

 

I am a different person now than I was when my kids were little and moms will see that. Moms that are older that are listening are going to understand that you're different because God uses motherhood to change you. It's not only... obviously, we're meant to parent our kids, but God's changing us in this process as well. [00:27:35] As our kids get older, though, we are still battling to reach their hearts and to stay connected with them, and to point them to God.

 

Laura Dugger: Yes, and I don't want to derail completely. I cannot think of where it is. If it's 1st or 2nd Timothy, that kind of confusing verse where it talks about women will be saved through childbearing. There's so many different interpretations. Jesus, the one child being born, it's clear that that's our salvation or that some of the things from Eve are reversed through childbearing. There's so much commentary on it.

 

But one this week that I've been learning is that so much sanctification comes through the calling of raising children, not just the actual birth.

 

Ruth Schwenk: Absolutely. Sanctification, I mean, it brings out all those things that you thought you never struggled with are just brought to the surface when all of a sudden it's not all about you, but you have these other people to care for and to raise. [00:28:37] 

 

Laura Dugger: As I'm thinking back of the whole of our conversation so far, when we were specifically talking about different myths that we may believe or different things that we need to realize are red flags because we could be deceived in certain areas or have just blind spots. And they're called blind spots because we're not aware of them. 

 

But one thing you mentioned sounds like a very practical aid in this process, and that's having a mentor. You had mentioned Sally Clarkson. How did you enter into a mentor relationship, or how have mentors played a role in your life thus far?

 

Ruth Schwenk: Well, I have always, since I was younger, always sought out older people. That's just, I guess, something I always did. And so whether it was locally in our church... or I would say through books. I mean, that's something my husband and I talk about all the time is people don't realize that really you can be mentored through books. [00:29:37] 

 

Somebody gave me years ago, when I was starting to homeschool, they gave me a book called Educating the Wholehearted Child. This is literally like 20 years ago. It's by Clay and Sally Clarkson. It's an incredible book, not just about homeschooling, but just reaching your child's heart. 

 

So they gave me this book, and I was just like, Oh, wow. It really turned me on to Sally's writing. So I then picked up a book by Sally called The Mission of Motherhood, and that changed my whole perspective on motherhood. 

 

It was no longer that I was just trying to get through the day. I had a mission. I was reaching these children's hearts, teaching them about God. I was pointing them to Him with a mission to release them into the world to be His love and light. 

 

So that's how I first became acquainted with Sally was actually through her books. Then when I started thebettermom.com, somebody connected me to her. [00:30:36] I was at a conference that she was at. I reached out to her, and we met in her hotel room. That kind of is where our friendship started.

 

She also became a contributor to thebettermom.com at that time, and I did some things with her ministry. And that's how I first met her. She would have these intensives at her house that were like retreats, and I went to a few of those. Now it's been 10 years since we've known each other, and my husband and I have been out to her house a few times as well to be with her and Clay.

 

But that's just one example of a mentor that, obviously, I feel like God orchestrated that. There's people all around us that we can reach out to, and I don't think it has to be something like, "Hey, would you be my mentor?" Although you may want to say that. But I just think it's about starting to get together with somebody who's older than you, starting to put yourself in proximity with them. 

 

Maybe you have them over for dinner. Maybe you get together with coffee. [00:31:37] Maybe you ask them to get together. You be the one who reaches out to them. Because I think we all get in this spot where we're just waiting for somebody, waiting for somebody to come and help us. 

 

If you feel like, oh my word, I don't even know anybody who could be that to me, that is the beauty of books. I mean, we have incredible podcasts. The things that we can learn and grow from things like that, they have one of the biggest impacts on me.

 

Laura Dugger: I like that, that you don't even have to label it as a mentor, be really rigid as to what the role needs to look like. But that just sounds wonderful, all of those applications. I have a few more practical topics that I want to ask you about, because you seem to be doing these well, and I just love hearing others' best practices. So can you teach us how you find time for replenishing self-care without feeling selfish? [00:32:37] 

 

Ruth Schwenk: Well, this is pretty funny, because I guess I don't feel selfish. I mean, I feel selfish when I just do something like that for myself, because I feel like I'm giving all the time. Do you know what I mean? And I need that time to myself. 

 

And I know probably a lot of us have heard this before, but Jesus needed time for himself, right? He got away. I think if we want to operate out of the best spot, we have to be able to step back, and we have to rest, and we have to refuel. 

 

What this looks like is obviously different, depending on the season that we're in. But even when my kids were little, I was intentional. I might schedule a retreat for one night. I knew when I needed that time. And so if you're feeling like that, and you're like, Oh my word, I need some time away, I would just encourage you to talk to your husband about it, and schedule just even one night away. [00:33:37] 

 

Find something that you can go to. Even getting away by yourself, maybe, to spend some time reflecting. Maybe you go to a hotel. Maybe you find a friend who wants to do that as well. We have to do it. We have to intentionally make time to refuel, especially when we have kids, and we're in the busy, because all of a sudden, a year goes by, and we're like, we are completely depleted, because we never intentionally took time, set aside for ourself.

 

I also think just daily there's self-care that happens. For me, I know I have to get up in the morning before my kids for a while. I mean, I'm an extrovert, but when your house is full of older kids that want to talk all the time, which I love, but you need that time. I need some time by myself. 

 

If you have smaller children, that might mean at night, when they go to bed, because for me now, my kids don't go to bed until I... you know, I'm going to bed, and they're going to bed. So I don't have that nighttime anymore. So I have to do that in the morning. So it looks differently, obviously, whatever season you're in, but I think that it's about being intentional. [00:34:46] 

 

Laura Dugger: Yes. I think that's the common thread, and I love how you are showing us that is actually possible. We just seize that opportunity. Another practical question then, how do you think we can create a God-honoring home environment?

 

Ruth Schwenk: Well, I would say it's never too late to start. Just being in ministry, we've seen so many families who aren't thinking about this until their kids are older, and they're like, it's too late. I would encourage you that it's never too late to start.

 

But I think creating a God-honoring home starts with us as parents and us living out our faith. So this looks like they're watching us. Of course, they're not expecting us to have it all together. I think the most powerful thing is that they see when we're reading our Bible in the morning, and they also see when one afternoon we say something mean that we didn't mean to say, and we have to apologize. [00:35:46] 

 

I think it's real life lived out in front of them, continually pointing them to God. So maybe your family is facing something really hard, and you have to sit down with your kids, and you have to tell them, but you're letting them know, we can trust God. We've seen Him provide for us in the past. He's going to provide for us in the future. We know this is what God says about Himself. God is really a part of every ounce of our life. 

 

And I think when our kids are watching that, and it's lived out by the parents, it has a greater impact than we realize. It's not a perfect faith lived out. It's a real faith lived out in front of them that I feel like has such an impact on them. 

 

And finding every opportunity we can to point them to God and challenging them. I just sat down with my youngest daughter this past week, and I said, "What devotional are you reading every morning? Let's talk about that for a minute." And then I said, "Okay, I want you to make sure before you do anything else when you wake up in the morning that you read through this devotional. This will set you up for the day." [00:36:54] 

 

So just checking in like that, really encouraging our kids to follow God. Just having that family mission and values and priorities is really a great way to set the tone for your home and your family following God. Just simply picking up a family devotional.

 

We have one that we just released in the past year called Faith Forward Family Devotional for a family with kids of all ages to sit down, read just a family devotional every night. Maybe it's when you're sitting around the dinner table. Maybe it's later on, right before everybody goes to bed. But just like some sort of a rhythm like that.

 

You just don't realize how over the years the impact that that can have on a child and then also just the impact it has on creating that God-honoring home that you so desire.

 

Laura Dugger: That sounds like an incredible first step for someone. So we're going to make it really easy and do a giveaway on social media this week for that devotional. So stay posted for that. [00:37:55] 

 

And then just regardless of the time when somebody's finding this episode and listening, it doesn't matter what time of year it is, but I know that you have a simple practice for making time for the best things. So will you share more about your annual personal inventory?

 

Ruth Schwenk: Yeah. This kind of goes along with being proactive versus reactive and actually, it's something that Sally Clarkson taught me years ago at one of her intensives. I call it my yearly personal inventory. And what it is, is it's just a sheet of questions that I look at every year to see where I'm at, what things need to change. 

 

I might list the things that I'm doing, maybe I think about the things that I just really don't want to do anymore or feel like they are interfering with some of my other priorities or whatever. So I might list things that I want to let go of in that year coming up or things I'm ready to take on that I feel like God's calling me to do. [00:39:02] 

 

But it's so powerful for us, whether you do it once a year or every six months, it's like a recalibration. You're like, okay, where am I at here? What needs to change? What do I need to adjust? And I feel like if we can as families, as moms do this for ourselves personally, and then also for our family, it can have such an impact on how we spend our time. This is another download that I have that any mom can go through. Again, any time of the year you could go through this. And it's really just kind of a heart check and a life check to see where you're at and where you want to go moving forward.

 

Laura Dugger: That would be incredible to link to as well because I think for living an intentional life, this is a great place to begin is starting with that inventory. And so I think that will make it easy for everyone to follow through. And Ruth, you have so much more that you could teach us. Where can listeners follow up or find you online? [00:40:02] 

 

Ruth Schwenk: I'm on Instagram. That's where I am a lot. On Instagram or actually on my Facebook page as well. And that's @RuthSchwenk.

 

Then we do have a podcast called Rootlike Faith Podcast. My husband and I both do that. So that's really if you're wanting to grow spiritually. We talk about all sorts of things for spiritual growth there. And then online, if you just go to thebetterlifeministry.com, that will direct you to all of our websites.

 

Laura Dugger: Wonderful. Thank you for sharing that. And you may be aware we're called The Savvy Sauce because 'savvy" is synonymous with practical knowledge or insight. And so I would love to know, as my final question for you today, what is your savvy sauce?

 

Ruth Schwenk: This is really practical, I think. At least it really helps me. But every night before I go to bed, I'm usually the last one up and we all go to bed pretty late, but I'm usually the last one up.[00:41:02] And I make sure that everything is picked up and put in its proper place. I also have the kids, they take whatever they need to to their rooms or whatever. 

 

But I spend probably 10 minutes before bed just picking up and making sure everything is cleaned up off the ground.  I have one of those robot vacuums. Oh my word, that thing is a life changer. And I just hit it to run while I go to bed. So when I wake up in the morning, I can start my day fresh. Like there's nothing worse than walking downstairs and everything is a mess when you're trying to start your day. So it's such a fresh way to start the day.

 

Laura Dugger: That is incredibly savvy. I love that. Ruth, it's just no wonder that you have such a wide-reaching audience because you are kind and practical and genuinely helpful. So thank you for sharing all of your wise ways in order to help each of us live a more purposeful and intentional life worthy of that calling that we've received from God. [00:42:07] It was such an honor to host you as my guest today.

 

Ruth Schwenk: Thank you so much for having me.

 

Laura Dugger: One more thing before you go. Have you heard the term "gospel" before? It simply means good news. And I want to share the best news with you. But it starts with the bad news. Every single one of us were born sinners and God is perfect and holy, so He cannot be in the presence of sin. Therefore, we're separated from Him.

 

This means there's absolutely no chance we can make it to heaven on our own. So for you and for me, it means we deserve death and we can never pay back the sacrifice we owe to be saved. We need a savior. But God loved us so much, He made a way for His only Son to willingly die in our place as the perfect substitute.

 

This gives us hope of life forever in right relationship with Him. That is good news. [00:43:06] Jesus lived the perfect life we could never live and died in our place for our sin. This was God's plan to make a way to reconcile with us so that God can look at us and see Jesus. 

 

We can be covered and justified through the work Jesus finished if we choose to receive what He has done for us. Romans 10:9 says that if you confess with your mouth Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. 

 

So would you pray with me now? Heavenly, Father, thank You for sending Jesus to take our place. I pray someone today right now is touched and chooses to turn their life over to You. Will You clearly guide them and help them take their next step in faith to declare You as Lord of their life? We trust You to work and change their lives now for eternity. In Jesus name, we pray, amen. 

 

If you prayed that prayer, you are declaring Him for me, so me for Him, you get the opportunity to live your life for Him. [00:44:12] 

 

At this podcast, we are called Savvy for a reason. We want to give you practical tools to implement the knowledge you have learned. So you're ready to get started?

 

First, tell someone. Say it out loud. Get a Bible. The first day I made this decision my parents took me to Barnes and Noble to get the Quest NIV Bible and I love it. Start by reading the book of John. 

 

Get connected locally, which basically means just tell someone who is part of the church in your community that you made a decision to follow Christ. I'm assuming they will be thrilled to talk with you about further steps such as going to church and getting connected to other believers to encourage you. 

 

We want to celebrate with you too. So feel free to leave a comment for us if you made a decision for Christ. We also have show notes included where you can read Scripture that describes this process. 

 

Finally, be encouraged. Luke 15:10 says, "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." The heavens are praising with you for your decision today. [00:45:18] 

 

If you've already received this good news, I pray that you have someone else to share it with today. You are loved and I look forward to meeting you here next time.