Getting Out of Your Own Way - Re-engineering Self-destructive Behavior

SHOW NOTES:

On this show...we are taking it down, ourselves that is. Just like a tackle in the game-winning play, we are taking ourselves down and getting out of our own way. Isn’t it just like us to sabotage a good thing, choose self-destructive behaviors over constructive ones, and be willing to justify it to the end. Today we are getting real. Honestly, who loses here? Or better yet, who isn’t winning? What if we negotiated a new deal. Instead of letting go and doing an about-face, we re-engineering our self-destructive behaviors into new self-serving behaviors.

What is the first thing that needs demolishing? Step back to see the bigger picture. You know how it goes when you are in the ditch digging away with no direction, plan, or insight - you can get nowhere fast! It’s also hard to see a new perspective from the bottom of a ditch. Step out, and look at the horizon. Where are you trying to go and how are you going to get there? You could take the long way hitting wall after wall, taking extended breaks to lick your wounds, picking up what pieces are left to make another go of it only to find yourself detoured at the first patch of rough road. 

Or you could take some time to chart out your course. Understand your strengths, weaknesses, address your limitations, search your soul for purpose and passion, enlist help from trusted friends and advisors, great a reliable support system, and make a vow to yourself that you WILL NOT take a step back. Only forward momentum allowed. 

You even have another option, do nothing. Stay where you are and find a way to be happy and if not, a way to get by another day. Remember, life is full of choices. 

Matt Duczeminski shines a light on 12 Self-Destructive Habits to Eliminate for a Positive Life in an article he wrote for lifehack.com. On the show, we dig into each one with a “fix”.

1. A Self-Defeating Mindset
2. Laziness
3. Forced Incompetence
4. Self-Pity
5. Taking It out on Others
6. Abuse of Drugs or Alcohol
7. Running From Emotions
8. Social Isolation
9. Refusing Help
10. Neglecting Personal Needs
11. Unnecessary Self-Sacrifice
12. Self-Harm

It took me a long time to come around full circle and face my demons - destructive behaviors. I had denial down, I tell you. When I finally hit a wall and was face to face with a choice, I chose me. I started putting myself first. That meant shining a light on everything weighing me down, the destructive behaviors that I had fiercely protected and denied.  Seeing them for what they truly were, provided me another choice. Stay the course or make some changes. I chose to remove the obstacles in front of me and to get serious about behaviors that never served me in a positive way. 

I removed crutches like alcohol and cigarettes and took an honest look at my need to control and fix. What would happen if I let others live their lives the way they wanted to….would mine still exist? The answer is, yes, and thrive! Ooooh when you channel all your positive energy in your own direction, the current is strong and will propel you faster than you might be prepared for.  Clear-headed and unencumbered I can be strategic about what I want and how I plan to get there. 

I didn’t totally let go of my desire to “fix” I just re-engineered it in a positive way. Now I help people who actually want help and I do so in a loving, no strings or expectations attached kind of way. 

Steven Handel explains How to Be 100% Honest With Yourself: A Prerequisite to Self-Improvement in an article he wrote for theemotionmachine.com

Acknowledge both the good and bad in your life

Take time to reflect

Admit it when you make mistakes

Pay attention to your feelings

Find someone you trust to be open with you

Avoid over-thinking and self-blame

Know when to trust your gut

Accepting what you don’t know

Remember, you are responsible for the decisions you’ve made in your life. The first time I addressed responsibility, I was only willing to share in it not truly accept it. Everything I did, or so I thought, was as a result of someone else. A consequence of this or that. I felt justified by that weak attempt at accepting responsibility. It’s like playing your life as doubles in tennis. Oops, that one got by but then it was probably your responsibility anyway. 

I recently read a book that changed my perspective which means the author hit the nail on the head because that was his sole intention. The very first chapter addresses this exact idea in a profound way. 

The book is called The Travelers Give and the first chapter is: The Buck Stops Here - The Responsibility Decision. 

 

From this moment forward, I will accept responsibility for my past. I understand that the beginning of wisdom is to accept responsibility for my own problems and that by accepting responsibility for my past, I free myself to move into a bigger, brighter future of my own choosing...

The buck stops here. I accept responsibility for my past. I am responsible for my success. I am where I am today—mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially—because of decisions I have made. My decisions have always been governed by my thinking. Therefore, I am where I am today—mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially—because of how I think. Today I will begin the process of changing where I am—mentally, physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially—by changing the way I think...

I accept responsibility for my past. I control my thoughts. I control my emotions. I am responsible for my success.

CHALLENGE: with the choices that lay before, take your time and be decisive but only after you have let go of denial, come face-to-face with your self-destructive behaviors, vowed to be honest with yourself, and committed to re-engineering them in a positive way.

 

I Know YOU Can Do It!