Episode 49: When to call a time out on all of the digital things!

 Are you in need of calling a time out with your kid and all the digital things? At your wits end and not sure what to do? Listen in to this episode for a few tips!

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 FULL TRANSCRIPTION:

Speaker 1 (00:00):

Are you in need of a timeout when it comes to your kids and all of the digital things, have you reached a breaking point where you're like, Holy cow, I don't know what my next step should be, but something has got to change and change fast. Well, that is what we're going to talk about today. Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (00:22):

Welcome to your source for tips, tools, and support to help you be that mom that is tuned in and proactive for yourself, your family, and for the wild ride of raising kids in this digital age, inspired by a mother's love with a relatable real life. Proud to be that mom flair. This is the bead that mom movement with your host, Dolly Denson. Holy-moly check this out.

Speaker 1 (00:48):

You are a mom that is looking to give your kiddo a phone, but you don't want to open up the world of the smartphone to them yet. Check out the pinwheel phone. The pinwheel phone is the latest and greatest for dumb, smart phones. It gives you absolute control over what they do and who they can contact, and we'll help them to develop healthy habits around using a phone, check out pinwheel@pennwell.com use code be that mom 10 for a discount. So this episode is inspired by a trend that I'm seeing among friends and moms that I'm in touch with on social media and the like where so many moms are at their wit's end, when it comes to using the digital devices, maybe the influence of that with virtual learning schoolwork, grades, all of the things I have seen the impact of this in my own family.

Speaker 1 (01:41):

And I'm just hearing from more and more moms that they are struggling right now. And I don't want to give you a couple of like assessment points that you can use to see where you're at and then see where you need to go from here. Okay. So if you are finding that your kid has less ambition, was school not focusing as well, having trouble getting up in the morning, kind of pushing the boundaries on the rules that you've placed for the digital things, or maybe you have pulled back on what your rules used to be. You've allowed the devices or the gaming consoles to be in bedrooms. If you have just gotten really lax on monitoring, or you just never have monitored, if you answered yes to any of those things, then this episode's for you. Okay? So I want to give you a game plan for this on what I would do moving forward.

Speaker 1 (02:36):

So like I mentioned, multiple times in this podcast across several episodes, the number one thing that I think every mom needs to do is get those devices out of the bedrooms. This is not something that has to be forever and ever, but when your kid is in school and still a kid that you set up healthy boundaries for how they use those devices and having a gaming console or having a phone in a bedroom is a recipe for disaster. The child psychologist that specialized in gaming disorder and things around the digital things say that it is very, very difficult for them to resist when a gaming console is in their bedroom. There's no reason for them to not stay up and do it, or, you know, go to bed and then get back up at some point to play their games. And then if you have allow a phone that opens up the doors for them to possibly be groomed by a predator or just, you know, activity that you maybe would not approve of, and that they would not do if they were sitting in a public, you know, a common area of your home.

Speaker 1 (03:41):

Okay. So if you were at this point where your kid is not doing well in school, doesn't want to get up for school, not engaging on zoom calls, whatever the situation is. That's the number one thing I would look at first is getting the electronics out of the bedroom and making it a non-negotiable and absolutely expect pushback. And if you have been one that has gotten really laxed on your rules and just kind of let them do their thing, because you know, they don't get to see their friends as much. And there's all this heaviness around this pandemic. And so you just kind of want to be that mom that let them do that. But now you're seeing that it's having this effect. If they haven't had boundaries around that, they're going to push back and they may even go through what I like to call a detox where their brain has to adjust.

Speaker 1 (04:28):

If they've spent a ton of time, as I mentioned in my digital bingeing episode and a few other ones, if they spend a ton of time on the electronics, it actually affects their brain chemistry related to like the instant gratification type response of playing a game. And then the lack of outside interaction in the world and all sorts of things around that. Okay. So they see that there's actually a detox where they kind of don't know what to do with themselves. You know, they don't, they just don't know how to entertain themselves anymore. They don't have like creativity for looking for something to do. It truly is a detox, but I urge you to stick to your guns on this. We tried kind of the baby-step route of not taking it away completely at first, and that just didn't work. So what we ended up doing was cold Turkey gone for like a month, all digital things.

Speaker 1 (05:20):

And, you know, we allowed like watching TV, but we truly did a detox of taken away all of the things. And it was amazing what came out on the other end of that old interests came back, curiosity in researching things and doing new things, creativity, all of it was just amazing. It was like the child that we knew before we gave an Xbox console and allowed it in the bedroom and then gave a smartphone was back here in front of us. And we hadn't seen him in awhile and it's, I blamed myself for that completely. I have no blame towards my children for the things that we have struggled with, because it was just my lack of knowing that it would have the impact that it did. And it was very disheartening that I didn't know how much that could influence things. So if you're experiencing this, get that console, get that phone out of the bedroom, set up boundaries for when they can be used, where they can be used and for how long they can be used.

Speaker 1 (06:17):

Smartphones should not be going to bed with them, put them on a charger in a central area of the home. If you don't feel like you can trust them to not come back and get it later, then put it in your bedroom, your bathroom, whatever to where it is yours, you could even go to the extreme of getting a lockbox for things they do sell them where they actually have chargers within them and you close them in your lock them. So if you get to a point to where you're needing to do that, because you truly can't trust, they're not going to come and get those things. There are options for that. I did do an episode or mentioned that a while back for one that had contacted me, wanting me to promote it on my podcast. So I do mention that and I'll see if I can find the link for that.

Speaker 1 (06:57):

If you want to check that one out, but the gist of it is get it out of the bedroom and set boundaries around it. If you don't have it in the bedroom now, and you're still having these issues, then I would look at the time that you were allowing on it and then set up like, you know, uh, a game plan, a family tech plan that is rules and a guide for where you're going to move forward with this communicate openly with your kid about why you're doing this, what your concerns are. What I have said is I'm sorry, I didn't know the impact of this decision when I let you do this. I've found out now that I don't feel like it's in your best interest for me to have this or you to have this in your room. And so we are going to make changes because right now your school needs to be the greatest priority in your life.

Speaker 1 (07:43):

It is very important for you to get an education. It's also very important for you to get a good night's sleep. And it is also very hard for you to regulate your time on these things. And so I'm going to help you out by not having them in your bedroom, you know, phrase it however you want, but it's absolutely essential that you set up these boundaries for them. And I think that you'll see a change this whole situation with the virtual learning. And like, if your school isn't face-to-face and you know, an actual school, then there's a whole other can of worms on that. Okay. So have compassion tread lightly around your kid with that stuff. But when it comes to setting boundaries around the use of devices around the use of a gaming console, and just all of the things that are a concern when those are used with no monitoring, these are just the very fundamental things that I would do.

Speaker 1 (08:33):

Okay. I'm not telling you that this is the only way, but I've read all kinds of stuff heard from all kinds of moms that it's a game changer for you to get it out of the bedroom. And it absolutely was my experience of doing that was so impactful. And I wish I would have known years ago. It would have saved us a lot of grief, but I didn't know, but that's why I'm here is to hopefully help you as you move forward with this. I don't think it has to be an all or nothing thing where you either have an X-Box or you don't or whatever it is that you were using. I think there is a way to move forward in life with using these things in a healthy way, in a balanced way, and in a way where you work together with your kid, knowing that the common goal is for them to be healthy and to grow up like developmentally strong, have a good mindset, a good self-esteem a good, you know, focus on what it is that they want in life.

Speaker 1 (09:31):

And for them to realize that it is great to have entertainment with playing a game and being with friends. But it also has to be balanced out with the other things that are important in the world. You know, like personal hygiene, eating exercise, some sort of like reading and intellectual development, all of those things are important and it can't be any other way to where all we do is sit on a game all the time. Okay. So I hope this was helpful for you. I have heard from moms recently that are struggling with this. And so that's why I wanted to bring this episode. I'm speaking from personal experience. I do have a son that was very much into gaming. And so this is absolutely one of the most impactful decisions that we made when we were trying to course correct what we were doing.

Speaker 1 (10:17):

So if you personally have made this decision to let things into the bedroom or not having any sort of monitoring or time limits boundaries around things, start that now. And I'd love to hear from you to see how it's going with you and your family. Jump in on one of the links in the show notes to connect with me, feel free to share my podcast with other moms who may be struggling, feel free to reach out to me. If you have your own story, you'd like me to share on the podcast, or if you'd like to be a guest on the podcast. If you could tell me more about what your family has done, what has helped your family? If there's something else I haven't mentioned that you feel like other moms could be helped with knowing. And you'd like to either share that story with me, for me to share or be a guest on my show, I would love to hear from you. I want to bring more moms onto the show to give their perspective. I know that my experience is not unique and very common across the world of all of the people I have listening across the world to the podcast. But I know that there are other facets that I myself may not have experience. So I would love to hear your story. And I surely hope that this is helpful for you in the wonderful path of guiding our children in this digital world. So chat with you next time. Thanks so much for listening.

Speaker 2 (11:32):

Thanks for tuning in being that mom isn't easy, but together we can be that mom's strong. Don't forget to leave a review, connect on social and join Dolly's free community till next time either

Speaker 1 (11:46):

Before you go, I want to just give you a heads up on something. When things have been hardest in my role as a mom, the thing that was so very helpful for me was having a routine to take care of myself each day. I know that this whole thing around raising kids in a digital world is so very overwhelming. But if you have a place where you are taking care of yourself every single day with a simple routine that works despite where you are or what your schedule is, you will be able to be more present for your family and handle all of the ups and downs of this most amazing role that we could ever play in this world. So connect with me and let's get you connected to fitness and nutrition tools made by experts that will help you simplify this and then connect you with my fit club community that will support you, guide you and give you momentum and motivation to show up everyday, take care of yourself first so that you could be better present for our digital native kids.