EP 14 Fixing the Foundation of Your Wholly Made Life- Strengthening the Areas of your Life and Get Rid of the Guilt Overwhelm Burn Out! Time to take back your Life Mama, Wife, Sister, Friend!

EP 14 Fixing the Foundation of Your Wholly Made Life- Strengthening the Areas (Pieces of your pie) of Your Life

She said something that just caught me. And it reminded me of you guys because of what we talk about in taking bold and courageous action. So she was actually doing an Instagram live, talking about an encounter with God that she had when she was a child. And the reason she chose to do it online was because she knew that she may lose courage to post it. If she just recorded it for lots of reasons. But sometimes when you're sharing your faith or sharing personal counters, that you've had those things aren't always received as you intended them to be received or meant them, or sometimes they're just not received in a way, because some people that may be hearing it may have not had that kind of encounter don't understand it, whatever it is that causes those fears and doubts to creep up in our minds, when we are getting ready to share something that may feel a little different, a peculiar, a little odd to others, those spheres and doubts.

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Yes. I always love Fridays and it means something so much different to me now than it did a couple of months ago, but I still love Fridays mostly because I know that Dwayne's going to be off work and we're all going to be home together and still navigating this whole COVID quarantine type stuff with no organized sports that any of my boys are in and stuff. It just, and now that it's snowing outside and really bitter cold, I know that we're just going to spend time in the house together. And it's just such, it's just a much more enjoyable time than it used to be because of my situation right now. So anyway, but it's been such a long week. I know I was able to post that bonus episode for you guys, which was like just five minutes long, but I was so excited to get into this series that I talked about on Monday.

So we're going to get into the initial part of this series, but I wanted to, um, first just tell you a little bit about my week and something else I just listened to by somebody that's so special to me, I just found it so encouraging. And I wanted to make sure that I shared it with you guys too. But so this week I was actually traveling. I traveled to Chattanooga, which is only about four and a half hours away. Um, and I did that because part of a process that I started several months ago was going through, I've been working with a entrepreneurial coach. And part of that work that we're doing is franchise discoveries and working through just finding out about different opportunities that match my personality and my skill sets, my history, uh, my interests, my passions, what I feel, my mission is all of these things.

And so it's just been part of this whole discovery process that I've been in in these past few months, but I was in Chattanooga and it's amazing. And you know, you sign a whole bunch of agreements, not to share a whole bunch as far as what it is and the things about it, but it's a pretty amazing one. Anyway, that was really fun. I met a lot of great people. I saw a lot of kids lives being impacted, so it was pretty cool. So I, while I was gone, I wasn't able to record just because it ended up, I took everything with me. I was, I was so set on getting the recording up for this week and getting a, what I call batching, getting several of the next episodes done while I was there at the hotel by myself. But our day was so packed and I was just exhausted.

So I did not get to do what I had planned to do a simple, because I didn't realize how much time in the day that was going to take. And then my other two days, the Tuesday and Thursday were mostly traveling about four and a half to five hours. So, uh, and then I had a meeting at the church last night, which was really good. So anyway, that has been my week and now I come to Friday and I just got off an awesome mastermind call with a group of friends, uh, sisters that I'm getting to know. And they're also amazing. Uh, but I just, before I get into it, I wanted to share my friend, her name's Tammi. She has an Instagram page and I'm going to pull it up for you guys. Uh, it's called chasing time and drinking wine. And she that's her Instagram page, but she said something, it just popped up in my feed as I was going to actually post some stories.  Check it out here: https://www.instagram.com/chasingtimeanddrinkingwine/

Sometimes that creep up sometimes make us not follow through with something that we said to do. So it just hit me. Number one, I love her. So this is my sisters, my bio sisters. Okay. Her husband's brother's wife, her name's Tammi. She's amazing. I love her. She's my sister. I call her SIS because, um, you know, there's so many of the brothers and sisters on Brian's side, my brother-in-law and I love all of them. They're just, they're an amazing family. So anyway, I love Tammi and, uh, she just touched my heart. I mean, she had me crying. It's about 13 minutes, but it's an amazing story. So you got to go check her out and it's chasing time and drinking wine and I'll I'll connect, uh, something to her page in my show notes, in case you want to take a listen, but it was an amazing story of just the way God shows up in our lives so differently.

He loves us each so much. And he shows up in such different ways. I mean, it reminded me too of, you know, my son, my oldest son, Clayton is 18. And when he was about four years old, he, we were in our old house and he, Dwayne, my husband was working and he ran up to me. It was a Sunday morning. He ran up to me and he was so elated, like so excited. And he said, mom, mom, mom, we got to go to church. We got to go to church. And this was when we really weren't going to a church. We really weren't involved in anything. And I asked him, I said, okay, well, what makes you say that? Uh, we were, I still had him in public schools at the time. Um, and he said, I just saw the feet of Jesus. And he told me, go tell your mom that it's time to go to church.

And he was four. So there's things like that that happened that you just can't explain. But when you really think about all the different things that have happened in your life and the connections with people that he's made, everything is so divinely set up. That's what I believe I can look back and look at every circumstance and see, when you look back how that circumstance pointed you or got you to the next thing. So anyway, I don't know why I felt like I needed to hop on here and talk about that because my intention is to talk about getting us into how we're going to fix the foundation of our Holy made life. W H O L L Y and H O L Y, by the way, there's a little play on words there. And that's purposeful back to what Tammi was saying. The reason she hopped on that life is because she knew that she fear or doubt might stop her from sharing that story.

And it was an awesome story. I'm not going to tell you what it is because I want you to go listen to it and go find her. She's such an amazing soul. I love her Tammi, if you're listening, I love you, babe. It just, again, reminded me of you guys, because I think that the way that we step into who it is that we're called to be who it is we're being asked to become on a daily best, uh, basis, is to take the bold courageous steps, one bold courageous step at a time. That's it sisters, that's it one bold courageous step at a time that we can't take back. And we're intentional. And we've talked about this, you know, in my accountability series, if you haven't listened to those episodes, jumped back in the, up in the beginning episodes and listen to the accountability series.

But it's about being deliberate and intentional in what it is we're doing and saying, and trying to be intentional about what it is we're thinking about and what feelings and emotions that causes, and then what actions we're taking as a result of those things. So that our outcome, when we look at our life, make sense to us. And we have a say in it, ownership of that. So sisters, we're going to talk about fixing the foundation of your Holy made life. And I know I introduced this on Monday, but I want it to get a little bit deeper in and how we're going to navigate this over the next few weeks and going through the pieces of your, uh, life wheel or your purpose pie, or, uh, so here's the thing, guys. Um, email me, if you have an idea on what you want me to call this thing, uh, I talk about it as I I'm very visual, so I have to see it on paper to see it in my mind.

So I think about a wheel and I think about a pie because as we look at this pie, or even like a spokes of a wheel, you split it up into six different areas. We talked about what those areas are, the person, the personal piece, the spiritual, physical, relational, professional, and financial. Those are the pieces of your Wholly made life. Those are the pieces of your Holy made pie, okay. Or the wheel that wheel of life. So if you have a fun way to name that, like purpose pie or Holy life wheel, um, you know, those aren't like super fun, but it kind of gives you an idea of what I'm talking about. I want to talk a little bit about how we are going to walk through my system for strengthening each piece of that pie, each spoke on that wheel so that you are stronger and strengthened and more confident in each area of your life so that you can feel whole, most people may know, but maybe you don't that I'm a nurse and I've been a nurse for over 20 years.  20 years, 2005, 21. So no, not quite. Um, but I've been in mental health for since 98. And I've been a nurse since 2005. So there we go. There's Beth. But for a long time, I feel like, and I've done a lot of different things. I started off in nursing with the neonates. So the NICU babies, my favorite favorite, favorite favorite, because I got to deal with the little babies and some of these babies, you guys were the size of my hand. Like that's not a joke when you see or hear about babies in the NICU, those 21 or 22 weaker those micro preemies, they are literally smaller than the Palm of my hand. And I have small hands impacted. That was so great to be a part of obviously saving and taking care of these babies. And it was one day at a time taking care of these babies as they grew, you strong enough, their lungs grew strong enough. Their bellies grew strong and They grew strong enough to come off of their oxygen and, uh, start to try bottles, uh, and be able to tolerate being held on their mother's chest. The best part of that was working with the mamas and the dads of course, too, but helping be that face for that mama who couldn't do what she was designed to do once that baby was born to be the face that she came into every day and said, how's my baby boy doing? And you being able to tell her the hard stuff and the great stuff and the triumphs, and even being with mamas who, whose babies didn't have the outcomes that they had hoped walking through that with them was such an impact on my life. Like that was literally my favorite bedside nursing, because I got to care for the babies and the families, especially the mamas.

That's why my heart, I think too, that I love that so much because my heart is with mamas. You know, I think that we are amazing, amazing creatures and something that we're designed to do, which is to, to walk in through this motherhood is such a gift and we need our sisterhood to help us walk through that. So anyway, I don't even know where I got, Oh, I do. Um, the other thing that I've done, I did some pediatrics and home health. I mean, I've done everything in hospital settings and sense of care. I done, uh, on the floor, nursing med, surge nursing, um, or the Predix, uh, I wasn't even on a HEMOC floor. So blood and cancer disorders, but my favorite was NICU. And then also psych and behavioral health. And the reason I love psych and behavioral health, if you can't tell, I am way, way, way into my own personal self-awareness so that I can create the outcomes with the help of the Holy spirit.

Of course, anything I ever say, you got to know that my belief is that it all comes from God, like my strengths, uh, you know, all of that comes from God, but so just that caveat there, but the, I love being more self-aware of what I can do to grow so that I'm a better person for other people. And then behavioral health, you either get that or you don't, if you're gonna get it, behavioral health is a place to do it because you are the skill, you are the tool, um, you, it's not like, okay, you got to get a straight cath on somebody. It's definitely one, two, three, and you just do a skill. You are the skill. So if in, if you get an undesired outcome, when you're dealing with this person, with this behavior, then you have the only thing you can control is going back and looking at yourself to say, okay, did I assess that correct correctly?

Did I understand that person correctly is what I did or said, or how I stood? Did that help or hurt the situation? What can I do differently to get a different outcome next time? So it's just a great place to be, to understand yourself and understand that everything you do and say how you stand, how you hold your body, everything you do and say impacts the other person that you're involved with. So that goes back to that whole accountability series, too. The more aware we can be at that, the better outcomes we get, because we start taking responsibility and ownership of what we can do to create a better outcome for ourselves and for others in our life. So being a nurse you're trained to be holistic. You want to look at that whole person. So I'm not just looking at a I'm looking at what's going on with that person physically, how does that person feel what's happening in their finances?

Can they afford their medications? Do they have a home to go to, do they have a parent here? Uh, are they getting along with their husband? Um, what school do they go to? What kind of education, educational opportunities or background do they have? You're looking at the entire thing. So it's a holistic approach, which is why I approach the, uh, the Holy made life assessment and the Holy made life wheel or pie holistically. I want us to be whole complete, nothing broken, nothing missing. I want us to be whole, which means that we have to feel that balance. We have to have those boundaries in every single piece of our lives. Every all of those six areas that we're talking about, the personal, the spiritual, the physical, the relational, the professional, and the financial. If all of those things are not in order, then we are not walking through our life feeling Holy made, feeling whole complete.

And so that's the work that each of us are called to do. And that's the work I'm here to help you with. That's the work that I help coach women with is how can we look at our lives and see where it is that we can put some attention into or put some actionable goals into so that we can bring that back to a more balanced place where each piece of that pie is fulfilled and you are able to walk every day feeling whole. And it's not to say some of those things don't fluctuate at certain times, because absolutely they do. If you're starting up a new business, then you're going to have more time spent more actionable steps in that professional, but the relational and the physical and the spiritual and the personal and the financial pieces touch that. So you have to then make adjustments in those other areas so that you don't fall completely out of whack.

And that's one of those things that I have worked on to come out of, especially related to that professional piece is making some different choices so that I don't get into that situation where I was so unbalanced, where everything I had was being spent in that professional pie, a piece and everything else behind that was suffering. Now, I will say that my last position I had, I was very high on the spiritual and the professional pieces. In fact, that's the first job that I really leaned into being very open with where the love that I have for people, the love that I have for nursing, the love that I have for leadership comes from, and that's from God. And I will say that is the most productive, the fastest growth in my team that I've ever seen. And the only thing that I did differently was be open with where the love that I have for what I do and who I serve comes from.

So there's something to be said about that. So here's what I want you to do. So we're going to talk about this, cause I want you to be set up and I talked about the assessment that you can take. And that's just really like a six question, uh, assessment, and it just gets your juices flowing. I talked about that in the last one. So you can do that by looking at my show notes and clicking the link that goes to the Holy made life assessment. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to draw a circle on a page, and this is where we get to your actionable steps. For this episode. I want you to draw a circle on the page, and I want you to split that circle into six pieces. So you're, you're looking at either a wheel with spokes or you are working, looking at a pie.

And so you have six different triangles. They're all the same size. They should be all the same length and same size, uh, so that they look pretty, even because if you're talking about a holistic approach to your life, a Holy made Holy life, you're going to have equal parts. And the goal is always going to be to try to keep it balanced and have an awareness if, and when things start to become unbalanced. So here's what I want you to do. I want you to write above each piece of your pie. So you have six pieces spiritual. The next one is physical. The next one is relational. Next one is professional. The next one is financial. And the final one is personal. I want you to write those above each piece. Okay. And then you have the middle where they all kind of join. Okay.

Now what I want you to do is I want you to just quickly look at each of those pieces and rate yourself and the way that I want you to do this visually is from the middle of the pie. I want you to start coloring in up to the top. If you feel like you are, let's say the spiritual. If you feel that you are way, way, way good on the spiritual piece, that you are doing everything that you know how to do, you're spending enough time with God. You're, you know, you, maybe you preach the word. Maybe you share the gospel, or maybe you do a daily devotional. You pray every day. You just feel very fulfilled. You would color that went all the way up to the top of the pie piece. So that whole pie piece would be colored colored in. Does that make sense?

Now, if you go to, let's say let's pick financial, let's say you've colored it up to the top or near the top. Okay. Now I would, if people that have worked for me know when we do evils every year in, let's say the scale is from one to five, my people know don't be giving yourself fives, because if you give yourself a five, you're telling me that you had zero room to improve. And I don't believe that any of us ever had any, um, a place in our life where we have zero room for improvement. So I would challenge you to, if you think that you're at the top, then, is there anything else that you could do to, to improve or is it over the top? Is your cup flowing so much over that it's taking away from another piece. Okay. So you might look at that and say, yeah, I'm at the top, but is there anything you can do differently or once you color in all of your pie, is it so unbalanced that you need to pull back a little bit on some of that?

Okay. So there's my, uh, leadership supervision, supervisory stuff coming out, because I'm always challenging people to grow no matter how great they are. Uh, and it doesn't mean that I never gave any fives because I did give some bias. But it certainly, when you are working on your own, uh, leadership in your life, in your areas of your life, it is helpful for you to always have that. Self-awareness of where, what can I do to grow more? So, okay. So let's go to financial for an example, let's say that when you think of financial, you don't feel satisfied. You don't feel like you're making enough money or you don't, you're not saving anything. Maybe you've got a great salary, but you're not saving anything. Or maybe you're not putting away what you want in retirement, or maybe you don't have a fund for emergencies saved.

You don't have a thousand bucks in a checking or savings account where if something happened, you could pull from that thousand bucks and you would have a plan to replace that. So things like that think about you, you know, what is your financial legacy? Are you building that? Do you, do your kids have something to grow on when, if something happened to you? So you would color in from the middle, again, out towards the top of the pie where you think you are with that. So I want you to do that and all of these sections and just real quick, so that you kind of get a feeling for, what are we thinking about in each section in case you need some clarification on what each section is. So we talked about spiritually, this is where are you with your relationship with God? Do you have a relationship with God or are maybe you are going to church every week, but you don't really feel like you're hearing from God, which is one of the things we're going to talk about is are you hearing from God in your life?

And how do you know that you're hearing from him? And are you letting the Holy spirit lead you at all? Do you feel those Holy spirit nudges those God winks are your steps in alignment with what you feel you're being called to do. Okay. So those are examples, spiritual, physical. How do you feel is that how you look in the mirror? How do you feel about how you look physically? How do you feel about your body? How do you feel about the movement that you're engaged in every day? I want in this section, because this is a big one for women and we know it. And this is one that, you know, in my, uh, previous episodes, I've talked about it. I've struggled with my body image for a lot of my life. I'm 44 years old, and it's been there for most of my life.

And it's 100%. The last thing that I focus on in the past, I want you to be real careful about that. Are these thoughts that you have or about yourself, or is this really factual in what you see? I want you to take it down as factual as you can. So physically, how much do you move in a day and what is the answer? So let's say you take a 10 minute walk every single day, then that's what you think about. And do you feel like that's enough for you? Okay. So are you meeting those goals that you have, have you set goals that you are meeting? And if you don't, then you have some room to grow that you're identifying. Now we will go deeper in this, in each of these sections as we discuss, but I'm just trying to give you some examples of what would be in each section relational.

You're going to think about your motherhood. Where are you with that? Your sisterhood or your friendships? Where are you with that? Maybe it's your church relationships, maybe your sir you're serving or volunteering. I like to call it serving, uh, because I don't feel like we're volunteers in the kingdom of God. I think that we're called to serve and love. But where are you with that? Do you feel good about those things or is there work that you feel like you need to do, uh, in your marriage? And if you're single, then you think about the other relationships that you have in your life. You're going to color in again from the middle towards the top of the pie on where you feel like you are relationally. I will tell you that for a long time, for many, many years, my relational was very low because I felt very uncomfortable with my performance and my time and energy that I had for my motherhood.

And especially my marriage professional is your career or what you do on a daily basis. If you are a stay at home, mom, and you are managing your household, your CEO of your household, then you can think about that job that you have to maintain your homestead and color in what it is you feel like you are doing in that piece of the pie. So count that in that piece of the pie, because, uh, hun that's, that's a hundred percent your CEO of your homestead. So think about it that way. Okay. And we talked a little bit about financial and then personal is going to be your self care. How are you personally taking care of yourself? That was always a very low one for me as well. This is where your mindset is, how much mindset work do you do? How much self-development work do you do?

And that might fall into spiritually because a lot of the self development work I do is related to biblical principles. I don't want you to get too woo here, but just think about, you know, are you taking care of yourself? Because you know, on an airplane, you cannot, if something starts to happen and something goes down, you cannot take care of anybody else. If you don't put that oxygen mask on yourself first. So that should be a balanced piece of your pie. And if it's not, then we got to talk about, you know, how we're going to strengthen that. And there's a solution, a resolution to all of this. I don't want anybody to color in these pieces and be like, man, my life is in shambles. Absolutely not. So this, this is why we do it though. This is putting it in front of us.

So now once we've identified this and you've got your pie, you've got your colored in and you see what the, the differences are in each triangle of that pie. Then what I want you to do. And this is something that you can take action on now is thinking about what one thing can you do in each of these sections of this part of these pies? What can you do today to make time? Hi, for each one of those categories? What can you do per week to do something? To help you get a little closer to the top in each one of those categories, this is about small actions, findable steps. And we'll talk about it more as I get into each individual piece of these pies. And some sections might have several episodes like the physical that one's going to have several episodes, for sure, because there's so much that goes into our physical bodies.

It's not just about the way we look it's about what we think it's about what we've learned. It's about movement. It's about choices. It's about food. It's about emotions. So that one's going to be several episodes. But what's one thing. If you look at your pie and you say, Oh wow, I am like, I'm super high on the spiritual and the financial. And I feel pretty good about the relational, but I, Whoa, this looks pretty low on the personal and the physical. So what are those, you know, you can do it like that. You can focus on the pieces of the pie that look lower to you. And the other thing I challenge you to do is if you feel like one is way towards the top, while others are down, then look at that piece and ask yourself, what is it about this piece of the pie that is so fun?

Why is this so full quickly? The example is like, when I looked at my professional, that was always full, um, so much so for me though. Yeah. And it was overflowing and it was taking up space from the other pieces of my pie. So it started to become damaging. So you have to assess like when I've colored in my PI several months ago, professional was way, way at the top. In fact, I wanted to color past the tippy top of the, of the pie piece, but my other places, most of them, at least four of them, relational, physical and personal three, at least three of them we're pretty low because, cause I didn't have enough time. I wasn't being intentional, intentional. That's not a word ladies. I wasn't being intentional about how to pour into these other pieces and also be successful in that professional career piece of my pie.

I wasn't being intentional about it. So if I'm not being intentional about it, there's a reason. And a benefit that comes from that. One of the things about behavior guys is that we behave in certain ways because we get certain benefits and I'll tell you, number one, the benefit I was getting in my professional and career slice of pie was the confidence and competence that I felt from what I did. I I'm an excellent leader. I, and I'm not saying that trying to brag, it's just a gift and it's so much so that I don't know what makes me good at what I do all the time. I mean, I've got people that I supervise back when I was a teenager that I will see or hear from every now and then. And they're like, you were the best boss I ever had. You were the best supervisor ever.

And it's like, I just, in fact, can you help me understand what I did differently or said differently than make you say something like that? Because sometimes guys, when we have gifts, we don't even know the gifts that we have. So that's the other thing we'll talk about as we go through this whole process of strengthening our pieces of our pie, we're going to identify with those strengths and those gifts are, and maybe it will help you see on paper, what the passions are that you've been given and what purpose is behind that passion and what you can do with it and why it's a gift and how you can use it. But those things, yes, if you allow them to, they can be overshadowing and take over and take away from other places in your life, which is what I was allowing to happen because I felt so confident and competent in what I was doing.

I would just, the truth is I'd rather be at work than have to come home and try to clean up a house where I feel very overwhelmed because it's such a huge mess and I just don't have the time or energy to clean it. And I don't even know where to start and I can't get the help that I need. You see how it goes into this whole big thing. In my mind, these are the thoughts that I'm having that are driving the behaviors and the actions that I'm taking. But that's why I was so comfortable. Just let me work 70 or 80 hours a week because honey, I know I'm good at that. And then I can also escape or avoid the things that I didn't feel like I was great at. Anyway, you see what I'm saying? It's about who we are and what gifts we've been given.

This process will help you. And this has gone like way longer than I wanted it to. So these are the way I want you to do, make your circle split into six sections, start coloring it in where you feel fulfilled and you feel like you're doing pretty well at, and then ask yourself questions about where you feel like you're either overflowing or too short. What is the one thing I can do or make time for in that category? And I want you to write it down. And then as we go through this process of strengthening these pieces, we will talk about how we can actually create an action plan to attain some of the goals that we're going to come out of. Just the awareness. Now, the way that you're looking at your life differently so that we can start to make it manageable. Okay.

That's the point we want to make it manageable so that we get some results because it's not going to matter if we don't get results. Okay. All right, sisters, hope that made sense. And like I said, if you guys have an idea of what to call this thing, the purpose pie, the whole life wheel series, you know, throw it in there, I'm open for it. You know, I'm not always that creative, but we are going to work on fixing the foundation of your Holy made life. We're going to work on, um, my systems for strengthening and uncovering each of those things piece by piece. We're going to talk about how you're hearing from God. We're going to talk about your motherhood. Uh, we're going to talk about your marriage. We're going to talk about in mind, you know, by the way, because I'm, I'm doing all these things too.

We're going to talk about money. We're going to talk about our physical, uh, our bodies. Um, we're going to talk about all of it. All right. So if you have any comments and if you want to take these short assessment, just to get your juices flowing about what questions would you ask yourself about each of these sections? Make sure you hit, hit that and link up in the show notes and we will see you on the next episode. And don't forget, I have a private Facebook group that is just building up a community that we can start to work on. Some of these things together. There's a lot of women in there that we can start to just bounce things off of each other because I promise you there's somebody in that group that if you are short on the financial section of your pie, there is somebody in that group that is amazing at that financial section. And they're going to give you some ideas for action steps. So let's get into community on this. Okay? All right, sisters have an amazing, amazing weekend.

Hey, before you go, I'd love for you to hop over to my podcast and give me a review. And you know, I'd love five stars. That's how we can share this thing with other women. Just like us. You're five stars in written review really helps me get the word out. You can also take a screenshot of this episode and tag me in your Insta and Facebook stories. And I'll give you a shout out right back, leaving a review and sharing this episode is the best way you can show me some luck. Thanks so much. And I'll see him the next episode. And remember your smile is like a boomerang, throw one at somebody and it'll come right back.

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• Interested in learning how to start your own podcast? Take a look at this course to learn everything you need to know! atrogers.com

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