2021-04-05 (Flashback Edition: 2012-03-19 (Sunny Rae Memorial Edition))

Reposting this old edition for two reasons: 

1. I don't even remember removing it, and of all the podcasts I've ever done, this is one of the most worthwhile.

2. To just let anyone curious know that it I am still working on the conversation recordings. It's been difficult lately to make the time due to myriad circumstances, not least of which being it being extremely emotionally draining. I promise that I will get it finished, but it's excruciating torment every step of the way. This was a love that very nearly drove me insane, like, to the point I was losing my grip on reality like grains of sand through shaking hands. 

 

Anyway, yeah, I will get that stuff done as soon as I'm able. I'm already a little over half-way through as it is. Also, in the intro of this edition, you'll hear & see me call it the "Emo Weepfest," Edition. I don't know why I did that instead of just calling it what I'm calling it now, what it always should've been called. My only guess is that it was some awkward & grotesque evasion due to so often feeling ashamed of my emotions; feeling unwelcome to speak about how something made me feel; feeling like such vulnerability from me would only be met with aggressive defensiveness, or just ignored altogether. Sometimes it was abusive significant others, other times it was my societal environment and the toxic masculinity bullshit. Doesn't excuse it; it's just an attempt at some sort of explanation.

 

Anyway, this is the first memorial edition I made for her. I made a second one a year later that's around 2 hours longer. Frankly though, there are tracks included on almost every single podcast I've ever made (to this day) that remind me of her in some way. While that might seem maudlin, unhealthy, etc. just know that we used to speak extensively about music, what we like, what we seek, what fulfills us. Music was a love language for us. To this day, I frequently find all sorts of new tracks that I know she would enjoy, and one of the best ways I know of to honor someone's memory is to enjoy such things twofold in the wake of their absence. She remains a driving force in me to pursue my passions, and a seemingly infinite source of inspiration. There are so many lessons we can all learn from our individual experiences of Sunny, but only if we're receptive and/or perceptive enough to learn them. Easier said than done, I know, but it's still true. Honoring her memory seems to be a continuous, lifelong process for those of us who loved her. 

 

Anyway, I've yammered on long enough. Yojne this edition as much as reasonably possible.

 

Good morning perverts!  Welcome to another Monday Morning Aural Sex.  First off, I need to warn you that this is a memorial podcast that I'm appropriately titling the Emo Weepfest Edition, because it's filled with a lot of preeeetty depressing music.  And I won't be talking much beyond this intro.  Frankly, I wouldn't blame you if you passed on this one and waited until next week when the music will be happier overall.  But, you know, this music is out there whether we choose to listen to it or not.  Music like this, it really opens us up if we let it.  But yeah, I felt the need to give you that fair warning.

Anyway, I imagine everyone listening has at least a few songs they revisit when they're down.  Well, yesterday marks one year since a dear friend, a woman I was honored with the chance to love, shot herself.  All these songs have something to do with her directly, figuratively or were just songs that made me think of her.  I'm sure you'll recognize a few of them.  Some of them might be really difficult to listen to, but that's why I've named this one the Emo Weepfest, ya know?  This one's gonna be rough, but sometimes it's healthy to get those emotions out; to keep them from festering, and sometimes you come out of it feeling really refreshed.

I hope whatever's feasibly best can come from this does.  I hope you enjoy it, my darling music perverts.  I love you all very much.

 

01 00111111 - 06-22-08 (from An Extraordinary Love)

02 00111111 - Black Hole Sun (Onyx Star Arrangement w/ Guitar) (from An Extraordinary Love)

03 Emilie Autumn - Thank God I'm Pretty (from Opheliac)

04 Kidney Thieves - Pretty (from Trickster)

05 Poloroid - So Damn Beautiful (from Nip/Tuck OST)

06 Sunny Day Real Estate - Seven (from Diary)

07 The Postal Service - This Place Is A Prison (from Give Up)

08 Kidney Thieves - Creature (from Trickster)

09 VNV Nation - Illusion (from Judgement)

10 Nujabes - Reflection Eternal (from Modal Soul)

11 KnowSleep - Forgiveness (Interlude) (from Sunny's CD Mix (Disc 1))

12 Mazzy Star - Fade Into You (from So Tonight That I Might See)

13 Bim - The Magic Of Us (from Bim)

14 Massive Attack - Teardrop (Like An Onyx Star Edit) (from An Extraordinary Love)

15 Mr. Sam feat. Rami - Surrender (John Palmer's The Sweetest Thing Remix) (from Angels Chill Trance Essentials Vol. 1 (Disc 1))

16 BT - Good Morning Kaia (from This Binary Universe)

17 Barenaked Ladies - Hidden Sun (from Monitor This! December 2000/January 2001)

18 Slipknot - Snuff (from All Hope Is Gone)

19 Twiztid - All The Rest (from Heartbroken And Homicidal)

20 Kittie - This Too Shall Pass (from Funeral For Yesterday)

21 Free Dominguez - Silver Line (from .Unearth.)

22 cKy - Close Yet Far (from Infiltrate.Destroy.Rebuild)

23 Atmosphere - Guarantees (from Sunny's CD Mix (Disc 2))

24 Sage Francis - Keep Moving (from Human The Death Dance)

25 Henry Rollins - Accident (from Nights Behind The Tree Line)

26 Free Dominguez - That Day (from .Unearth.)

27 Johnette Napolitano - Suicide Note (from Underworld OST)

28 The Captains Intangible - Any Other Way (from Diary of the Dead OST)

29 Brand New - You Won't Know (from The Devil And God Are Raging Inside Me)

30 Marilyn Manson - Coma Black: a) Eden Eye, b) The Apple of Dischord (from Holy Wood (In The Shadow Of The Valley Of Death))

31 Marilyn Manson - Count To Six And Die (The Vacuum of Infinite Space Encompassing) (from Holy Wood (In The Shadow Of The Valley Of Death))

32 Dinah Washington - This Bitter Earth (from Shutter Island OST (Disc 2))

33 The Red Paintings - Mad World (from Walls)

34 Berry Weight - Sky Below (feat. Astrid Engberg) (from Music For Imaginary Movies)

35 00111111 - You Still Own The Air (from An Extraordinary Love)

36 BT - See You On The Other Side (from This Binary Universe)

37 Tool - Forty-Six & 2 (from Ænima)

38 Pink Floyd - Wish You Were Here (from Wish You Were Here)

39 Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry (from Sunny's CD Mix (Disc 1))