I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it.
Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral.
Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good.
My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean.
Maybe it's our human nature?
Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do...
He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.
(We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.
And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)
But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...
I was doing everything and unless I would nag, push, correct, complain, teach, criticize... it wouldn't get done.
I was so exhausted.
It wasn't until I decided to
1-forgive
and no longer hold his past over his head---let him be a new man in my eyes,
2-let God change my heart according to His will,
3-change my words, and
4-behave respectfully...
Did I witness my husband transform.
And He changed without my "brilliantly helpful" input.
I also speak to women who have experienced betrayal in the form of pornography, an affair or something else.
My heart breaks for you. I would love to hold you in your legitimate anger and pain.
And I want to give some guidance on what I think is helpful next steps.
I encourage you to listen with an open heart and see if God has a nugget of wisdom that you need in your life.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you need immediate help, please schedule a Clarity Call ($300 value) for free at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Clarity Advisor will walk through your specific situation with you and help discern if this is the right fit for you to witness God's transformation of your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS From a Delight Your Marriage wife:
“It's been so amazing! I still call it a rollercoaster, because there are ups and downs, but the ups are way more than the downs now and that's a huge win! I honestly was at a place where I didn't like my husband a lot of the times...
I now WANT to spend time with him, miss him when we're apart, initiate intimacy, and enjoy intimacy!”
REPOST: 342-If You Only Knew His Love
362-Healing from Sexual Trauma. Lisa's Transformation Story
361-Preventing and Healing from Infidelity. Interview with Gary Thomas
360-Can You Release Sexual Anxiety While Engaged? Transformation Stories
359-What is TRUE Masculinity? Convo with Kyle
358-Rapid Fire Transformations (Part 4)
357-Do You TRUST God with Your Intimacy?
356-How to Encourage Your Man (my husband joins me!)
355-Change & Your Kids Witness an AWESOME Marriage. Robert's Transformation Story
354-I Had to Heal for My Marriage To. Reed's Transformation Story
353-What's Behind Porn Addiction? Interview with Therapist Sam Tielemans
352-"Once You Know, You Can't Unknow." Jameson's Transformation Story
351-Do Not Squander Today (Lay Down Your Pride)
350-Never Argue -- How You Should Disagree
349-Pray with Me...for Your Encouragement
348-“Wholehearted” Sex - Darcy’s Advice for Husbands and Wives
347-How to Be Spiritually Mature
346-Be Mature (Surrender Your Sexuality to God's Design)
345-So What Exactly Is a Clarity Call?
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