I used to think I only respected someone if they deserved it.
Whether that was my husband or the young adults I worked with. Which meant I didn't treat them with respect. Maybe not blatant disrespect as I saw it. But more neutral.
Though I have come to find out "neutral" is generally not good.
My natural tendency if I don't have the correct heart (that God created everyone and they should be treated with respect) is being mean.
Maybe it's our human nature?
Anyway, what I discovered is if I'm trying to tell my husband what's best for him, how he should improve, or what to do...
He's busy being mad at me rather than listening to the Holy Spirit and discovering his own journey to growth.
(We want our husbands to be the spiritual leaders right? Then we've gotta stop being their spiritual leader.
And give them the space and support and encouragement to do it for themselves.)
But he was so untrustworthy. Inconsistent. Unhelpful. Unreliable. Irresponsible. And worse...
I was doing everything and unless I would nag, push, correct, complain, teach, criticize... it wouldn't get done.
I was so exhausted.
It wasn't until I decided to
1-forgive
and no longer hold his past over his head---let him be a new man in my eyes,
2-let God change my heart according to His will,
3-change my words, and
4-behave respectfully...
Did I witness my husband transform.
And He changed without my "brilliantly helpful" input.
I also speak to women who have experienced betrayal in the form of pornography, an affair or something else.
My heart breaks for you. I would love to hold you in your legitimate anger and pain.
And I want to give some guidance on what I think is helpful next steps.
I encourage you to listen with an open heart and see if God has a nugget of wisdom that you need in your life.
Blessings,
Belah
PS If you need immediate help, please schedule a Clarity Call ($300 value) for free at delightyourmarriage.com/cc
A Clarity Advisor will walk through your specific situation with you and help discern if this is the right fit for you to witness God's transformation of your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc
PPS From a Delight Your Marriage wife:
“It's been so amazing! I still call it a rollercoaster, because there are ups and downs, but the ups are way more than the downs now and that's a huge win! I honestly was at a place where I didn't like my husband a lot of the times...
I now WANT to spend time with him, miss him when we're apart, initiate intimacy, and enjoy intimacy!”
339-Irritable & Hurt to Flirty & Free. Emily's Transformation Story
338-"Pretty Much Done with Life" and Now True Intimacy. Len's Transformation Story
337-Three Ways to Dismantle the Marital Atomic Bomb During the Countdown
336-His Aggression Impulse (& Wrong Sex)
335-Don't Undermine Her (Sexual) Progress
334-Rapid Fire Transformation Stories - Part 3
333-Roommates for 20 yrs... "I Truly Cannot Believe Where We Are". Bill's Transformation Story
332-Tunnel With No Light & Now Joy Filled -- Steve's Transformation Story
331-Why Duty Sex Hurts Him (& Her!)
330-DYM Team Take Over!
329-"I Changed & She Drew Towards Intimacy" - Minister Matt's Transformation Story
328-Years of Confusion Around Sex and Now Finally Clear…Pastor Luke’s Transformation Story
327-"We Fell in Love Again!" - Pastor Bennie's Transformation Story
326-Thirty-Seven Years "Pushed" & Now "Free" - Julie's Transformation Story
325-Married (Sacred) Sex. Interview with Gary Thomas
324-The Humility (& Humiliation) of Growth
323-Your Wife's First DYM Episode
322-The Danger of Words on Intimacy
321-Impotent Masculinity: "The Biggest Issue on the Planet"
320-How I Discern God's Will -- Your 2022 Goals
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