Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
Follow-Up: Steve Maisch — My Summer Training Plan, Listener Q&A, and Steve’s Go-To Training Exercises (Teaser)
EP 85: Emil Abrahamsson — Trying Hard Projects, Hangboarding Two Times Per Day, and a Career on YouTube
EP 84: Boone Speed — Training in the Hell Cave, the Grasshopper Board, and the Future of Artificial Climbing
Follow-Up: Nathan Hadley — Two Routes on The Diamond (Teaser)
EP 83: Neely Quinn — Lessons from the TrainingBeta Podcast, Nutrition Advice for Climbers, and Kids vs. Houses
EP 82: Christine Deyo — Learning Creativity, Fontainebleau Circuits, and the Role of Diversity in Route Setting
Follow-Up: Dru Mack — Play Hard. Rest Hard. (Teaser)
EP 81: Hazel Findlay — The Ego, Fear of Falling, and Mental Training for ‘Magic Line’
EP 80: Robb Wolf — Prioritizing Protein, the Importance of Sleep, and a Case for a Meat Inclusive Diet
Follow-Up: Ron Kauk — Listener Q&A, Who Punched John Bachar, and a Plane Full of Weed (Teaser)
EP 79: Tyler Nelson — A Deep Dive Into Blood Flow Restriction (BFR), Finger Training, and Doughnut Eating
EP 78: Jason Kehl — Karate Screams, Chronology of Hairstyles, and Bouldering with Cargo Nets
EP 77: Allison Vest — A Competitor’s Mindset, Fun Challenges, and the Secret to One-Arm Hangs
Follow-Up: Shanjean Lee — Free Climbing El Cap (Teaser)
A Call from Ethan
EP 76: Q&A 2 — Party Tricks vs. Useful Exercises, Training for Long-Term Goals, and Octopus Wrestling
EP 75: John Long — Yosemite Tales, the Love of Writing, and Opening Up About Alcoholism
Follow-Up: William Woodward — Sailing Stories, Vanlife Tips, and How to Wash Dishes (Teaser)
EP 74: Tom Randall on Patience, Finger Training, and the Late Night Climbing Show
EP 73: Kyle O’Meara — Favorite First Ascents, Experience vs. Strength, and Sharing the Love of Climbing
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