Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
Follow-Up: Mercedes Pollmeier — Your Flexibility Questions Answered (Teaser)
EP 66: Mercedes Pollmeier — How to Improve Flexibility in 6 Minutes Per Day, and Cycling Your Training
BONUS: Matt Sparks — Earth Day, and the Impacts of Chalk
EP 65: Natalie Duran — Ninja Antics, Fear Conditioning, and Living Like a Superhero
Follow-Up: Jon Glassberg — Sending ‘The Nest’, and Representing for the Big Guys (Teaser)
EP 64: Christophe Bichet — Climbing As a Metaphor for Life, Finding ‘Why’, and the Awe of Being Alive
EP 63: Megan Mascarenas — Solving Puzzles, Pole Dancing, and Discovering a New Identity
Follow-Up: Natasha Barnes — Listener Q&A, and Training “The Position” (Teaser)
EP 62: Q&A 1 — How We Get Strong, Dealing with Injuries, and Patterns Among High Performers
EP 61: Chelsea Murn — How to Rewire Your Brain, Take Courageous Leaps, and Manifest Your Dream Life
Follow-Up: Ben Herrington — A Guide to Developing New Boulders (Teaser)
EP 60: Leif Gasch — Becoming a Trainer, Mini-Goals, and Tackling Listener Questions
EP 59: My Eating Disorder — Starving Myself to Climb Harder, and Lessons Learned
EP 58: Carlos Tkacz — Lessons from Teaching, a Free Training Book, and Self-Publishing Sci-Fi
Follow-Up: Emily Harrington — Sending 'Golden Gate', Shoe Tricks, and Pancakes (Teaser)
EP 57: Dave MacLeod (Part 2) — Highlights From ‘9 Out of 10’, Flexible Programming, and Listener Questions
EP 56: Dave MacLeod (Part 1) — Jumping Up 4 Grades in 18 Months, Fingerboard Rituals, and Nutrient Density
BONUS: Blake Cason — Upcoming Retreats
Follow-Up: Blake Cason — Dancing with ‘Joe SixPack’ (Teaser)
EP 55: Kai Lightner — Disordered Eating, Flexibility for Tall Climbers, and Climbing for Change
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