Dorian Evers is an individual and couples therapist in Boulder, CO. We talked about navigating different stoke levels in your relationship, how to create a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable, how to have difficult conversations, common insecurities and fears in relationships, tips for long-distance relationships, vanlife dating tips, and much more.
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Show Notes:
thenuggetclimbing.com/episodes/dorian-evers
Nuggets:
0:05:57 – Getting caught in thunderstorms
0:09:51 – Dorian’s office and therapy practice
0:11:04 – An example of Emotionally Focused Therapy
0:15:19 – Bringing our baggage into our relationships
0:18:32 – Talking about our relationships as climbers, and why this conversation feels important to Dorian
0:21:22 – Parts of ourselves, the different parts of Dorian, and her identity
0:25:09 – Do we have to give up our climbing identity to be in a healthy relationship?
0:28:04 – Having a mismatched level of stoke with your partner, and getting vulnerable with your partner
0:36:48 – How to make our partners feel secure in our relationships
0:39:55 – Making meaning of what we don’t know
0:41:07 – People pleasing vs. being radically honest
0:45:15 – Becoming aware of our fears/worries, and checking in with our partners
0:49:21 – Finding delight and empathy in your partner’s experience
0:55:59 – Being curious about what lights up your partner
0:59:48 – Communication, and creating a safe space for your partner to be vulnerable
1:05:10 – Active listening skills
1:07:13 – When to have difficult conversations with your partner
1:10:38 – Navigating insecurity and jealously
1:15:20 – Telling your partner that you’re thinking of them
1:18:30 – Staying in the room
1:20:26 – “We’re not mind readers.”
1:21:22 – Patron question from Joy: How do you stay psyched as a climber when your partner doesn’t climb?
1:24:01 – “Every relationship is going to have conflict, but it’s about the repair.”
1:27:31 – How to stay connected to your partner when you’re on a trip
1:31:36 – How to stay connected in a long-distance relationship
1:36:42 – Question from Doreen, and lessons we learn from climbing
1:40:53 – Balancing different individual passions in your relationship
1:42:46 – Carving out intentional time for conversation
1:45:07 – Living in a tiny house, and Dorian’s tips for living in a small space with your partner
1:51:59 – My experience with Better Help, and how to find a therapist
BONUS: Blake Cason — Upcoming Retreats
Follow-Up: Blake Cason — Dancing with ‘Joe SixPack’ (Teaser)
EP 55: Kai Lightner — Disordered Eating, Flexibility for Tall Climbers, and Climbing for Change
EP 54: Matt Segal — ‘Miami Vice’, Coffee with Benefits, and a Brief Stint with Paragliding
Follow-Up: Mike Doyle — How to Maintain Finger Strength While Sport Climbing (Teaser)
EP 53: Jon Glassberg (Part 2) — MoonBoarding, an Example Training Day, and Foreign Haircuts
EP 52: Jon Glassberg (Part 1) — Filming Emily Harrington on ‘Golden Gate’, and Pursuing V15
Follow-Up: Steve Bechtel — Goal Setting and the "Three Good Tries" Rule (Teaser)
EP 51: Chris and Heather Weidner — Kneebar Wizardry, Projecting Tips, and Supporting Each Other’s Goals
EP 50: Jon Cardwell — Projecting 5.15, Pre-Training Modes, and Bouldering for Sport Climbing
Follow-Up: Lizzy VanPatten — 'Make Me Sanguine' (Teaser)
Darek Krol Memorial Clip
EP 49: Remembering Darek Krol
Merry Christmas!
EP 48: Alex Johnson (Part 2) — Isometric Training, Getting Strong, and the Lock-Off Challenge
Follow-Up: Jasna Hodžić — Projecting 101 (...More like 401) (Teaser)
EP 47: Alex Johnson (Part 1) — An Olympic Dream, the Art of Failure, and Thriving in Your Own Skin
T-Shirt Giveaway!
EP 46: Chris Kalous — Untold Stories, the Mythical Grade of A6+, and the Gift of Podcasting
Follow-Up: Brittany Goris — The Wild World of Offwidths (Teaser)
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